October 2021 – Southwest Conference Blog

Relational Ways of Being the Church for Post-Pandemic Times

by Rev. Kari Collins

Many of our local churches are weary. Many are struggling. We have long treated our local churches like transactions. How many members do we have? How many are in attendance each Sunday. Are all of the vacancies filled on our committees and ministries? How many children and youth do we have? How much is our budget? And we’ve limited our ministry by saying, “We’ve never done it that way,” or its corollary, “We’ve always done it this way.” But transactions are numbers, and the truth is, those numbers have been in decline for many of our churches for decades.

And then the pandemic hit. Our in-person church stopped. Our society stopped. Our entire world stopped. And while many of our churches were able to pivot to online methods of worship and ministry, pandemic fatigue is real for so many of us!

In a recent article titled, “They’re Not Coming Back,” Reverend Rob Dyer contends that even as we slowly reopen our churches, people are not coming back to the church, at least not at the same level of engagement as before…. nor will they. We have all been traumatized by this pandemic.

So what do we do? How do we, our churches, reintroduce ourselves as a place that can tend to the wounds that this pandemic has opened in all of us?

I believe we have a choice. We can continue to be transactional churches and see our numbers decline, now even more precipitously post-pandemic than before.

Or, we can see this post-pandemic time as an opportunity to operate differently as church, an opportunity to transform lives in new ways.

And it is in this opportunity that I find hope. This will require innovative change. And, to be honest, we don’t know what these changes might look like. And this is where God comes in.

Each and every one of us has gifts for ministry. If we work to develop and deepen our relationships with one another, we can seek to understand the life experiences and beliefs that shape who we are and how we are each Called to share our gifts and talents in the world. And we need to deepen our relationships with intention. Now I’m not talking about joining more committees or ministries, where we have meetings to attend and tasks to be done. Rather, I’m inviting us to be in intentional one-to-one relational conversations with each other, during which we listen for and draw out the Spirit abiding in one another. It was during an intentional one-to-one relational conversation that I began to discern my Call to parish ministry, as my conversation partner shared his stories about the justice work that he had done in the local church setting.

And we have the opportunity to have one-to-one relational conversations with those who can’t or don’t or won’t come to a church building on Sunday mornings, and to listen for where Spirit abides in them. What they are longing for? And how can we, as church, partner with them to follow Jesus in new ways, ways that aren’t limited to bringing people into a church building on Sunday mornings?

When we shift our churches from being transactional to being relational, Spirit can be at work. And when we let Spirit work, we can develop partners in ministry to help us to truly live the prophetic and revolutionary teachings of Jesus, to find new ways to be the hands and feet of Jesus in our community and in our world. The pandemic has given us the opportunity to grab onto change.

Reverend Dyer concludes his article by saying, “The need for a major pivot is before us, and we know that God will provide for the times and places where we are found. Therefore, let us walk into this valley with eyes wide open, ready to step forward with intention, believing in the presence of the Good Shepherd, the proximity of green pastures, the provided meal amongst adversity, the anointing of our heads, the overflowing of our cups, and our place in the House of the Lord forever.”

Let us follow the prophetic and revolutionary teachings of Jesus together, in deep relationship with one another, listening for where Spirit is alive in each and every one of us, and seeing in what new ways God is Calling us to Be the Church.

Rev. Kari Collins (she/her/hers)

Vice Moderator, Casas Adobes UCC, Tucson, AZ
Minister of Stewardship and Philanthropy, Sixth Avenue UCC, Denver, CO
Consultant to churches in the Rocky Mountain Conference UCC on ways to shift from a culture of scarcity in our churches to an expectation of abundance, inviting people to invest in ministry that transforms lives.

Missing Sermons and Lessons: Part II

A: When Domestic Violence Is Revealed—DOs and DON’Ts

B: Elder Abuse: Be Informed and Resources

by Kay Klinkenborg, Church of the Palms UCC

A: WHEN DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS REVEALED…DO’S AND DON’Ts

There are some key truths and safety strategies to know when a situation of domestic violence (DV) is revealed; safety for the victim and you.

TRUTHS:

Victims suffer multiple types of abuse with varying levels of severity, the overwhelming constant is that abusers will use whatever means available to control a victim.
First and foremost, if a violent act is occurring or imminent, call 911 to get immediate help.
Leaving a violent situation is the most dangerous time for a victim.
There may be children in the home that the victim has to protect as well as themselves. Don’t believe that an abuser ‘would never hurt the children’.
The abuser will lie to get what they want; the married abuser will use the contract as a religious commitment for permission to take over the situation. Truth is: the abuser broke the marriage contract with the first behaviors of emotional, physical, manipulation or sexual abuse.
If the victim comes to your home or work place, do not disclose to the abuser where victim (h/she) is or where you live. Never reveal the location of a safe house or domestic violence shelter to a victim’s partner/spouse, or abuser’s family members.
Be patient with the victim as they make plans to leave, if they do. Victims leave on an average of 7+ times before they finally leave the abuser. The fear a victim feels for their very life is real. Do not drop support from victim should they return to the abuser. Remember, leaving an abuser is a frightening experience and their life is in danger. ^1,2,3,6,8

FIRST PRIORITY SAFETY STRATEGIES:

Listen without judgment; keep comments non-judgmental.
Refrain from telling a victim what to do; no one knows the abuser better than the victim.
Remind the victim that s/he does not deserve the abuse; nor have they done something wrong to provoke it.
Offer to help victim contact DV hotline or advocate at a shelter to obtain information; if you give them a written phone number or shelter address, instruct them to keep in their shoe underneath the sole where the abuser cannot find it or a similarly discreet hiding place; not their phone.
You could offer to drive them to the shelter or police station.
Make a safety plan: the most effective trained people to help the victim make a safety plan is the DV hotline worker, or shelter staff. You can support the victim in the steps they chose to work on that plan.
If immediate safety is needed, a shelter is the best place for victim. ^1,2,3,6,7,8

SECOND LEVEL SAFETY STRATEGIES

Learn about the dynamics of DV from reputable DV intervention or prevention programs
Accompany victim to court to obtain a protective order
Help build community awareness of domestic violence
Make your own list of supportive community resources ^2,3,7,8

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE PHONE RESOURCES ^2,3,7

National: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) can give phone info for any state

Maricopa County, AZ only Shelter Line: 480-890-3039

Arizona: 24-hour Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233 800-787-3224 (TTD)

AZ Coalition to End Sexual and Domestic Violence: 602-279-2900 800-782-6400 602-279-7270

Domestic Violence Program Information: 602-542-4446

Sexual Assault Hotline RAINN 800-656-HOPE (4673)

B: ELDER ABUSE: BE INFORMED and RESOURCES

Over 500,000 people 60 years of age and older are abused or neglected each year in the United States. It was also found that four times as many incidents of abuse or neglect are never reported, causing researches to estimate that as many as 2 million elderly persons in the United States are abused each year. In 90% of the cases, the abusers were found to be family members and most often were adult children or spouses of those abused. In addition, equal numbers of men and women have been identified as the abusers. However, women, especially those over 80 years of age, tend to be victimized more than men. ^5,8

The National Center on Elder Abuse identifies the following as signs of elder abuse:

Bruises, pressure marks, broken bones, abrasions, and burns may indicate physical abuse or neglect.
Unexplained withdrawal from normal activities and unusual depression may be indicators of emotional abuse.
Bruises around the breasts or genital area, as well as unexplained bleeding around the genital area, may be signs of sexual abuse.
Large withdrawals of money from an elder’s bank account, sudden changes in a will, and the sudden disappearance of valuable items may be indications of financial exploitation.
Bedsores, poor hygiene, unsanitary living conditions, and unattended medical needs may be signs of neglect.
Failure to take necessary medicines, leaving a burning stove unattended, poor hygiene, confusion, unexplained weight loss, and dehydration may all be signs of neglect or self-neglect. The family of the elder may not even be aware self-neglect is occurring. It is our responsibility to place a hotline call when we suspect self-neglect is happening. ^5,8

Note: Those hired by family to be caregivers are not excluded as potential elder abusers. This can take form as all the types of abuse mentioned in the DV articles; BUT also includes steeling money, checks, using credit cards of the victim, taking items from the home for personal use or resale. The list is endless. Elder citizens are at high-risk to trust implicitly the caregivers if they are kind and attentive.

It is beyond the scope of this article to explore the vulnerability elders are susceptible to regarding in-person, phone and Internet scams. Families need to be extremely watchful of their elder parents’ purchases and interactions with businesses.

The church has the same moral and ethical responsibility to respond, teach, advocate for elders and work to end elder abuse; just as it does for any form of domestic violence. (See Part I article).

Remember, it is not your role to verify that abuse is occurring, only to alert others of your suspicions. Calls to Elder Abuse Hotlines are anonymous; they follow up with in-home visits to make assessments.

ELDER ABUSE REPORTING RESOURCES

Arizona Adult Protective Services (APS) is a program within the DES Division of Aging and Adult Services (DAAS) and is responsible for investigating allegations of abuse, exploitation and neglect of vulnerable adults.
Online: Adult Protective Services Registry | Arizona Department of Economic Security (az.gov) The online reporting form is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
By phone: 1-877-SOS-ADULT (1-877-767-2385) Monday – Friday, 7:00 a.m. – 7:00 p.m. Saturday, Sunday and state holidays: 10:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m.

For life-threatening emergencies, call 911 immediately.

The AAPS also has a register offender’s list where you can determine if the person has been reported before regarding elder abuse.

(602) 674-4200 Hotline Elder Abuse AZ
(602) 264-4357 – Area Agency on Aging 24hr Helpline AZ
(844) 894-4735 or (602) 542-2124 Attorney General’s TASA Helpline AZ
(844) 894-4735 or (602) 542-2124 Attorney General’s TASA Helpline Financial Exploitation AZ
Eldercare Locator weekdays at 800-677-1116
National Adult Protective Services Association 202-370-6292 www.napsa-now.org
National Center on Elder Abuse 855-500-3537 (toll-free)

REFERENCES

¹ National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV, www,NADCV.org

² Arizona Coalition to End Sexual and Domestic Violence in Arizona (acesdv.org) ACESDV (website)

_³ Domestic Violence Services | Arizona Department of Economic Security (az.gov) (website)

⁴ How to help a victim of domestic violence | Extension | University of Nevada, Reno (unr.edu) (website)

⁵ www.medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/elder+abuse

⁶ US Dept Health & Human Services www.hhs.gov/answers/programs-for-families-and-children/how-do-i-report-elder-abuse/index.html

7 https://elder-abuseca.com/stateResources/arizona.html AZ Elder Abuse

⁸ National Center on Elder Abuse https://ncea.acl.gov/

©Kay F. Klinkenborg, October, 2021
Spiritual Director
Retired RN, LMFT, Clinical Member AAMFT
Specialties: DV; PTSD; Incest Survivors/Sexual Assault; & Counseling Women
Consultants to IA, IL, KS, MO, NV, NM’s Coalitions Against Domestic Violence

Ron and Stacey

by Rev. Dr. Kristina “Tina” Campbell

My friend, Ron, registers people to vote in Arizona. He approaches this patriotic task with humility and a sense of determination. The ravages of COVID did not deter him from making sure that people were equipped to exercise their fundamental American right to have a voice. Ron registers people to vote.

Ron’s efforts won both my respect and admiration, and prompted me to recall that when I was a child my family would make a ritual of the act of casting one’s vote. My parents, my brother, and I would dress up and walk to the polling place with the same reverence one might approach an altar for holy communion. My brother and I would stand outside of the booth as my parents pulled the curtain to cast their votes.

Politics were part of my family history. My grandfather and most of my paternal uncles were in the state legislature, and at the time of my birth, my father served as Secretary of State of Iowa. Voting was considered part of living, part of being part of a community, part of being a citizen.

However, not everyone in our country has always been afforded the opportunity to vote, and some have been prevented from voting by unfair laws and unjust interference. Some people need an advocate like Ron to assist them in casting their vote.

Last night I went to see Stacey Abrams at the Mesa Arts Center. Stacey is big on voting. Stacey is also a woman after my own heart. She has lived life on a broad canvas, dipping her toe into everything from acting to writing romance novels to running for public office. She has won elections, and she has lost elections, but she keeps going with justice as her north star.

Instead of adopting a defeatist attitude in our current social and political climate, Stacey challenges us to imagine we can do something, to try to fix things, to do the work. She challenges us to focus on what we can do, and to write it down. Stacey learned early on in her career that she was going to lose at times, and this keeps her centered in a forward momentum.

Stacey would applaud the efforts of my friend, Ron, and says that voting is a continuum of people knowing their rights, being registered and educated, and then becoming part of a coalition where they are repeatedly reminded of the process. People need to hear the message “You matter and we want to hear your voice.” At times Stacey becomes theological, and suggests we need to build relationships by doing for others what we would want them to do for us.

Stacey warns us that the biggest myth is that the political system is magic, and with a poof can fix our societal woes. She suggests that politics is more like medicine. We have social diseases, and voting is our medicine. The medicine does not always cure, but can stave off the symptoms, and provide containment. Stacey advises us to temper our expectations, and realize that we are not always going to get a neurosurgeon. Progress is never permanent, and people who disagree with us will always win elections. Stacey keeps her own equilibrium by voracious reading and watching lots of tv. She feels no guilt about her pleasures!

I am grateful to my friend Ron who quietly performs what I consider to be a profound ministry. As he registers people to vote, I surround him with light and utter many prayers on his behalf. He equips people to exclaim “I get to have a say in who we become.” Many thanks to Ron and Stacey for encouraging us to claim our voice.

Missing Sermons and Lessons: Part I of II “Why Shy and Silent About Domestic Violence?”

(This series is about adult with adult relationships)

by Kay Klinkenborg, Church of the Palms

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, a topic we seldom write about in our religious or spiritual articles. I was about 40 years old, married to an ordained minister and the first time in my life I heard a sermon from the pulpit on domestic violence in the home and relationships. It was delivered by my husband. It took another 10 years before I heard a second sermon from the pulpit on domestic violence DV.

The second sermon was preached by Dr. Roger Compton, pastor of Central Baptist Church in Springfield, IL. He preached a clear and definitive message on DV and the church’s Christian appropriate response to the victims, in our homes and culture. The next day, Monday, he was greeted at his office by 3+ deacons. “You have stepped over a line this time pastor. You have gone to meddling. We can’t have this taking place in our church.” I suspect that one or more of those deacons was guilty of emotional/and or physical abuse in their own marriages. Patriarchy controlling one more time what is permissible to preach about from the Bible.

There are numerous topics in the field of DV in which our congregations need education. In Part I, I will focus on what is DV? What are the statistics in the US and Arizona and some specific ethnic and racial data. That brings forth some key questions, what could we be doing in our churches to help end DV?

What does domestic violence look like? Legally, domestic violence is the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another. It includes physical violence, sexual violence, threats, economic, and emotional/psychological abuse. The frequency and severity of domestic violence varies dramatically. ₁It is also called ‘intimate partner violence’ and is not exclusionary to legally defined marriage.

Domestic Violence (DV) cuts equally across all classes, incomes, social economic stratus in our culture. There is a supportive ‘old boy’s network’ that it is to be kept quiet and what happens in the home is of no concern of others. DV cuts across lesbian and gay relationships as well. We don’t preach the do and don’t of how to be in relationship with each other in healthy ways. We use the word ‘fighting’ when the truth is, couples need to learn how to have a healthy argument. The very word ‘fight’ assumes there is permission to get out of control…having power over someone else. Arguments are about hearing each other out. You might need space to think about what has been said. The ingredients of emotional abuse and threats of physical harm are not present in healthy disagreements.

An adult person has no permission nor right to physically harm another person. Legally we call that ‘assault’. So what has perpetrated that permission in the privacy of our homes. There are books, article, testimonies written about how institutionalized patriarchy gives males, or the dominant person in the relationship, permission to do as they please to get their way. Talk about not understanding the Golden Rule!

When working with couples where DV has just begun to be a pattern, I raise this question to the perpetrator: “Would you do that do you boss, your best friend, or in public?” That got some attention as to why would you use behavior in your home that is unlawful, physically hurts the other person, takes away their rights as humans? Truth is, few DV perpetrators come to therapy. A very small percentage do, if they find early in their relationship they have surprisingly crossed a line they thought they never would in hurting someone they claim to love.

In the United States, more than 10 million adults experience domestic violence annually.¹

Nationally: 1 in 4 women and 1 in 10 men experience sexual violence, physical violence and/or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetime with ‘IPV-related impact’ such as being concerned for their safety, PTSD symptoms, injury, or needing victim services.² Approximately 1 in 5 female victims and 1 in 20 male victims need medical care.³

These numbers are startling! But Arizona’s statistics will make you gasp.

Arizona: 42.6% of Arizona women and 33.4% of Arizona men experience intimate partner physical violence, intimate partner sexual violence and/or intimate partner stalking.₄In any given room in Arizona with 50 people, there will be approximately 21 females who have had or are currently experiencing DV. 16.7 males would be victims of DV.

I share just two people of color DV statistics…for the list could go on and on. American Indian and Alaska Native women experience assault and domestic violence at much higher rates than women of any other ethnicity. Over 84% of Native women experience violence during their lifetimes. ⁵

45.1% of Black women and 40.1% of Black men have experienced intimate partner physical violence, intimate partner sexual violence and/or intimate partner stalking in their lifetimes. ⁶

We are a country with a shameful record of all types of violence. Our churches have been silent too long about DV specifically! If we are to be teaching Jesus’ message of love, justice and extravagant welcome…we need to educate congregations to this pandemic in intimate relationships. It also indicts us that we are not teaching concepts of healthy communications, managing intense emotions and fair arguing to our people. When are the open forums/classes that teach about DV? When is there a speaker’s panel on DV? We have no excuses: literature abounds on speaking theologically about DV.

James E. Wallis Jr. is an American theologian, writer, teacher and political activist. He is best known as the founder and editor of Sojourners magazine and founder of a Washington, DC church by the same name. In 2020, he challenged the ministers who subscribe to his magazine to send a sermon they had preached on DV; he was looking for 100 sermons to print. He received far more than anticipated. But he selected these: 100 Sermons on Violence | Sojourners.

I challenge each of us to click on this site and read at least one sermon about DV. The Bible is loaded with applicable stories to teach about DV.

An early book (1984) was written by Dr. Phyllis Trible, widely renowned feminist Biblical scholar and Hebrew scripture professor: Texts of Terror: Literary-Feminist Readings of Biblical Narratives (among numerous other publications). One of many books available to those teaching Bible stories or preaching.

There is not a lack of resources to address DV. It is the courage to name it, teach the healthy theology and began to shift the ‘shy silence code’ about DV in our churches.

Domestic violence needs to be spoken about. Addressed. And ended.

Part II of “Missing Sermons and Lessons” will be a 1) primer on what and what no to do when someone discloses DV to you; 2) an explanation of elder abuse, why seniors are at risk and safeguards to watch to prevent that prevalent form of DV.

¹ National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV, www,NADCV.org

² Smith, S.G., Zhang, X., Basile, K.C., Merrick, M.T., Wang, J., Kresnow, M. & Chen, J. (2018). The national intimate partner and sexual violence survey: 2015 data brief – updated release. Atlanta: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/2015data-brief508.pdf.

³ Smith, S.G., Chen, J., Basile, K.C., Gilbert, L.K., Merrick, M.T., Patel, N., Walling, M., & Jain, A. (2017). The national intimate partner and sexual violence survey (NISVS): 2010-2012 state report. Atlanta: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/NISVS-StateReportBook.pdf.

⁴ Arizona Coalition to End Sexual and Domestic Violence (2020). State of Arizona domestic violence related fatalities 2019. Retrieved from https://www.acesdv.org/fatality-reports/.

⁵ Smith, S.G., Chen, J., Basile, K.C., Gilbert, L.K., Merrick, M.T., Patel, N., Walling, M., & Jain, A. (2017). The national intimate partner and sexual violence survey (NISVS): 2010-2012 state report. Atlanta: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/NISVSStateReportBook.pdf

⁶ United States Department of Justice. (2000). Full Report of the Prevalence, Incidence, and Consequences of Violence Against Women. Retrieved from: https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/183781.pdf

©Kay F. Klinkenborg, October, 2021
Spiritual Director
Retired RN, LMFT, Clinical Member AAMFT
Specialties: DV; PTSD; Incest Survivors/Sexual Assault;
& Counseling Women. Consultants to IA, IL, KS, MO, NV, NM’s
Coalitions Against Domestic Violence

To Tell the Truth

It’s More Than Just a Game Show

by Rev. Dave Klingensmith, Church of the Palms UCC

I have always enjoyed the game show “To Tell the Truth.” I’ve seen it through several different versions, even was at a taping in NYC once. It has always been fun for me to try to decide, along with the panelists, who is really the one contestant sworn to tell the truth.

Most of us learned from a young age that it was important to tell the truth. Those who raised us drilled it into us. “Don’t lie, tell the truth.” We may have learned it in Sunday School. The Ninth Commandment specifically forbids lying in terms of bearing false witness or what is called perjury today. And though we may have been told that a “little white lie” is sometimes OK, almost all cultures and religions discourage lying of any sort.

But while we are often quick to tell someone else to “tell the truth,” we often don’t like to hear the truth, or face the truth, about ourselves or someone else. Some time ago I discovered in doing some genealogy research that my paternal great-grandfather had committed suicide in the early 1900’s when some investments went bad. It was shocking and surprising. Often families don’t want to face the truth when this happens. People often don’t want to face the truth that a family member is LGBT, or that someone has a mental illness. These days using Ancestry.com or other websites, sometimes people may discover that they have siblings they never knew they had, or even that they may not be the race or nationality they thought they were. Doing other historical research might lead us to discover that our families owned slaves or took land from indigenous people.

It can be hard to face up to this. We may want to brush it under the rug, to tell ourselves “That was a long time ago.” But by doing so we deny ourselves a significant, if challenging, part of our history. To acknowledge it may result in significant growth and even healing for us, and for the descendants of those who were wronged.

Likewise, the information we learned in school about our nation’s history may not always have been totally truthful. I learned about the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor but didn’t learn until much later how we put Japanese-American U.S. citizens in internment camps. We learned about the Civil War and slavery, but textbooks downplayed the cruelty inflicted on slaves, and how our entire society capitalized on the backs of people who were bought and sold. We have often glossed over how even Christian missionaries treated Native Americans as “savages.”

Telling the truth about our nation’s history, especially in regard to racial issues, is important. The term “Critical Race Theory” is an explosive one right now. I would argue for a different term – Critical Race History – or even just Telling the Truth About Our History. When we do not acknowledge painful or troubling events or try to say they have no relevance today, we are denying the humanity of someone’s great-great grandparent who was a slave. We may have to tell the truth, that someone we may have admired was really a brutal plantation owner or a ship owner who transported slaves from Africa.

When school districts, or states, maybe even religious groups, try to deny painful parts of our history, we all lose. We lose the opportunity to acknowledge the truth, to admit our complicity in that history, and to see how we can do something today to atone for the past.

We can tell the truth about our history so that injustices don’t happen again. If we don’t tell the truth and acknowledge injustices, we can expect to repeat them.