Southwest Conference Blog

10 Sacred Things ~ A Short-and-Sweet Life Giving Practice

I’m participating in a webinar this month with Spiritual Directors International on social justice spiritual direction. The first session was great, and I’m expecting to learn lots.

Part of this first week’s discussion was on liberating spiritual practices and the “anatomy” of a social justice spiritual director. One of these practices was new to me and I wanted to share it with you all. It’s quick and involves list making which are both pluses for me!

Make a list of ten things that are sacred to you today.

Yep, that’s it. Here’s my list from earlier this week.

Mountains
Water
Listening
Singing
Back Rubs (especially for my sweet children)
Sexuality and touch
Friendship
Sharing Food
Prayer and Movement
Ritual

This took me about five minutes… the first seven things came super fast, but then I had to think a bit for last two or three. I looked at my scribbled list and felt good about it. Now it’s a bit later and I’m looking again at 10 Things and noticing.

I would have different things to list today: breathing, bird watching, patient waiting, experiences of flow, resistance, and sacrifice. Every day has its own gifts.
There’s less of a differentiation between sacred time and everyday moments than my calendar would lead me to expect. It’s a potential problem for churchy people like me… We get focused on Sunday and miss the sacredness of tea brewing on a random Tuesday. In our achievement-oriented culture, we rush through moments of human connection to cross things off of very different kinds of lists.
My list calls me to spirituality basics: gratitude and paying attention.

And finally, I’m feeling some questions bubbling up. How different would my life look if I allowed myself to be guided by a list of what’s sacred? Could I say No more often to things that keep me separated and unfocused? Could I say Yes more frequently to peace, connection, and love? When there are days that feel like I’m spinning my wheels and getting nowhere fast, can I recognize sacred moments and show myself (and others) much needed grace?

Will you make a list today? What will you notice? I invite you to share your list (or a portion thereof) on the SWC Facebook page as a comment on this post or to share your list in whatever way feels affirming to you.

Please use the hashtag #10sacredthings.

Praying for Our Enemies

by Teresa Blythe

If we are to love our enemies, as Jesus emphatically taught, we ought to keep them in our prayers. It’s the last thing many of us want to do these days.

Who is my enemy?

People who strive to be good don’t like to think we have enemies. Your enemy is someone who is working against you; someone who does not have your best interest at heart; perhaps someone who hurt you and shows no remorse. Part of being human is admitting that, yes, we are holding some grudges against certain people for how they treat us. Even if we don’t like the term “enemy,” we probably do have one or two! It’s easier to ignore those who we might label enemy than to hold them in the presence of God as we pray or meditate.

Do you pray for your enemies?

Have you done any deep spiritual work around loving and praying for enemies? If not, the first step might be to simply ask God to assist you in compassion for them. Jesus loved to pray, so if you are a Jesus follower, why not ask him to pray in you or teach you to pray for those who hurt or rebuke you?

I’m one of those who likes to pretend I have no enemies, therefore, I don’t need to pray for them! And then I look at the news and get so angry at politicians who try to take away affordable health care or I fume about men who sexually harass women. So, yes, I need to pray more for my enemies.

A Prayer Practice to Experiment With

When Donald Trump first became president, I struggled with how to love and pray for political leaders who I feel do not have my best interest at heart. I wrestled with how to create a prayer practice that holds our political leaders — even those I would vote against or work to unseat (maybe especially those) — in the light of God’s presence. At the time I was reading a classic book on Christian healing, “The Healing Light” by Agnes Sanford and she suggested that when we feel overwhelmed by evil or tragedy in the world, pick one person or one situation and pray for that rather than trying to pray for everything that’s going on.

And so I did. I chose one powerful national political leader that I find distasteful (a member of the House of Representatives) and began to pray for him. I chose one who speaks frequently of his Christian faith so I thought maybe, hopefully, he will be open to the transformation that we all need to lower the temperature on this nation’s polarization.

I’ve seen no great transformation in him since I began this prayer, but I do see a change in me. I now see this politician as a person — a troubled person — and one that is in a difficult position. Like my Buddhist friends, I pray “May he be happy, healthy and at peace.”

Another Practice to Try

When you want to believe “a change is gonna come” but are having trouble visualizing it on a national or global level, try asking the Divine — and trusting the Divine — to bring “all good things and all good people to work together” for the good of all. Process theology teaches us that God is constantly weaving our gifts and passions together for God’s purposes, and the more we open ourselves to what God is calling us to do or be, the more we become a part of the process of change.

It can be overwhelming to look around at enemies and consider what they are saying and doing. Finding ways to pray for them may feel futile at first, but it’s transformative work. It’s a way of maintaining hope in the face of chaos.

How do you pray for your enemies?

Lessening Your Footprint

by Jocelyn Emerson

One of the things that continually comes to mind when I contemplate stewardship of God’s Creation is “the size of my footprint.” How much does my way of living impact the Earth? What is my responsibility to lessen that impact for my descendants?

Avenger’s Age of Ultron:

After defeating Ultron, the Avengers come together at Tony Stark’s (Iron Man) new headquarters in Upstate NY somewhere. Tony, Captain America and Thor are debriefing, chatting and joking around as they walk. Thor must leave and go in search of the Infinity Stones (prelude to Infinity War) and learn what he can about them.

Once outside, he holds us his hammer calling the Bifrost (the rainbow bridge). The Bifrost picks him up and takes him way, leaving its intricate mark on the ground — a huge circle that destroys the lawn beneath it.

Tony Stark (jokingly) to Captain America: That man has no regard for lawn maintenance…. (walking away) I’m going to miss him though…

What size footprint do you leave?
The Bifrost leaves quite a huge footprint on the ground of where ever it picks Thor up. The ground underneath is ruined by the power of the Bifrost’s rainbow bridge. It creates a symbol that reminds me of a cross between Celtic cross and a crop circle.

This conversation between Tony Stark and Captain America made me laugh. Yet, it brought forth in my heart the question: what size footprint do I leave?

In the eco-justice circle of thought and dialogue, we hear that question often. How can you lessen your footprint? There is tremendous encouragement to lessen it as much as possible.

Those lists of how you can lessen your footprint sometimes feel overwhelming.

Easy:
When I look I already do the easy things: recycle everything I can, have a chemical free house, buy organic and fair trade foods, use more ecological light bulbs, etc.

Moderate:
I also already do many of the moderate tasks: I carry my own bags rarely using plastic bags, lessen the use of plastic in my life, walk to destinations that are close enough instead of driving, etc. These require me to be more conscious. They are not always habits. Many of them require more of my time and awareness.

Expert:
Then there is the list that always feels like if I put my energy there it will take quite a bit of effort. It feels like the expert level of lessening my footprint. It is the list that requires commitment! as well as resources to accomplish: no-waste, alternative power like solar and wind, hybrid cars, eco-homes, etc.

I get the importance of lessening our footprints. As the human race has grown we have dominated the planet, maybe even overwhelmed it. In urban and suburban areas it can be challenging to find open space, let alone green space. Cities are allowing developers to create housing where there were once parks. Forests are being encroached upon. Wildlife habitats are disappearing as human require more and more space.

We do need to lessen our footprints in order to allow all the other beings on this planet to continue to have homes, to continue to thrive.

Taos, NM and lessening my footprint:
When I lived in Taos for nine months, I decided to see how much I could lessen my footprint. Since I was on sabbatical, working on my business, I decided that I had the time to see how close I could get to zero waste living.

I will totally admit it took a great deal of my attention and time. I had to make conscious choices about what I bought at the grocery store: could I recycle that container?

Styrofoam containers
Styrofoam presented the greatest challenge and ask me to make changes in how I did things. Because most grocery stores sell meat in styrofoam, I thought I might have to become vegetarian again. However, I found that the local health food store had a butcher and I could buy my meat wrapped in paper (recyclable).

Styrofoam did require me to change my habits about eating out. I had to begin to bring with me my own “take home” containers when I went to restaurants, just in case there contains were styrofoam.

Buy local and bulk
I joined the local Taos Co-Op and learned all about bulk food buying. Investing in glass containers meant that I was making choices about how I spent my money. I had to sacrifice other areas so that I could afford the glass.

Compost
I began a compost pile on the Land I was staying on, caring for it regularly. I learned that, because I backed up to desert wilderness, the animals were quite happy to feast on that pile. That felt good! I was not wasting food, I was feeding the wildlife.

By the time I left, I had my trash down to one tiny bag a month. This experiment taught me how my choices affect this planet. How I chose to use my time and energy is one of the foundations of stewardship of creation. The greatest impact we have on our immediate environment is how we chose to use our time and resource to care for our property, land, water, etc.

Commitment
Lessening my footprint required commitment. There were days when I was exhausted. In those moments that “I don’t care” feeling arose in my body and spirit. It was asking me: how committed am I to this experiment, to this lessen in stewardship? Each time it arose in me, I had to deepen and strengthen my level of commitment.

Currently, I am not able to be anywhere as close to zero-waste as I was in Taos. Because of this experience, my heart yearns for me to be in living situation where I can step back into the experiment again. Although this experience required focus, commitment, energy, shifting in how I do things, giving up habits, etc; it deepened my connection to Mother Earth! I desire to bring that disciple back into my life.

All that Spirit asks of us is that we become conscious of how we live on Mother Earth, on God’s creation. Spirit invites us to contemplate ways to be more aligned, more in partnership with the web-of-life so that we feel Her presence in all that we do.

Reflection questions:
What is the size of your footprint?
How can you lessen it, even a tiny bit?
What habits would you need to change?
How do you use your resources to protect and care for the environment?

Prayer:
We call on your mercy and your grace, O God, to carry us into a new communion with the created order. Pour your compassion and your forgiveness over us. Give us a vision of healing and togetherness for your entire world. We know that, with Christ as our helper, we can restore justice and balance and live in harmony with all that you have made.

“No One Cares About Crazy People” Spotlights Our Fractured Mental Health System and One Family’s Battle with Schizophrenia

guest post by Kathryn Andrews, a member of the Southwest Conference’s Widening the Welcome Committee and Desert Palm United Church of Christ

“What if you raised a child who grew up sunny, loved, and loving, perhaps unaccountably talented, a source of family joy, only to watch that child slowly transform in adolescence into a mysterious stranger, shorn of affect, dull of gaze, unresponsive to communication – and perhaps worse?” This is one of wrenching questions author Ron Powers asks in “Nobody Cares About Crazy People,” the story of his schizophrenic sons.

The book is more than a chronicle of one family’s struggle with a serious mental illness. It also serves as an indictment of our national approach to dealing (or not dealing) with mental illness. As Powers recounts, mental hospitals began to appear in the early 19th century, including Philadelphia Hospital, which charged admission to view the insane residents in its basement. In 1841, Quaker Dorthea Dix discovered that violent criminals were sharing jail cells with persons with mental illness in Massachusetts. She devoted the rest of her life to lobbying for dedicated care outside of the penal system, and by 1890 thirty-two new asylums were in place. Yet even with these reforms, individual care and treatment at the overflowing asylums was hard to come by.

President Kennedy took steps to address this overburdened system by signing the Community Mental Health Act (“CMHA”). The legislation, crafted in consultation with psychiatrists and health executives, was aimed at releasing 560,000 patients from state-run asylums to 1,500 new community health centers around the country. The hope was that new “wonder drugs” like Thorazine would enable this population to navigate the outside world and become productive. The CMHA liberated 430,000 patients by 1980, but a combination of factors thwarted the transition to community care.

Over the ensuing decades, budget pressures diverted funds that could have supported the CMHA centers. Meanwhile, Congress passed the Medicaid act, which prohibited federal reimbursement to states for psychiatric patients in state hospitals. The act’s objectives were to encourage patient release from such institutions and to prod the states to assume responsibility for care and treatment costs. The states, however, showed little interest in taking the reins. Without the community follow-up care envisioned by the CMHA, many became chronically ill, homeless, or incarcerated. The upshot was that many of these persons did not become “de-institutionalized” but rather traded one institution for another as the U.S. penal system replaced the mental hospital.

Although American mental health care remains haphazard and chaotic, Powers takes heart from the progress made in researching the causes and treatments of mental illnesses. New research has identified 128 gene variants likely to be involved in the abnormal brain development seen in schizophrenics. The research also reflects that environmental factors likely influence the onset and degree of the disease. Meanwhile, advances are occurring in magnetic resonance imaging, and psychotropic medicines can regulate serotonin and dopamine, which affect behavior.

As the Powers family learned too late, some antipsychotic medicines can be taken by the “depot” method of periodic injection. This method eliminates the need for self-administered oral dosages and ensures consistent medication. This consistency becomes critical when a patient develops “anosognosia,” the false conviction that nothing is wrong with the patient’s mind. Anosognosia caused one Powers son to abandon his medications and end his life just shy of his 21st birthday. The other son survived and lives near his parents.

For the author, the future of mental health care for his surviving son and others with mental illness, “will depend upon whether Americans can recognize that their psychically troubled brothers and sisters are not a threat to communities but potential partners with communities for not only their own but their community’s regeneration. . .. The mentally ill people in our lives, as they strive to build healthy, well-supported, and rewarding lives for themselves, can show us all how to reconnect with the most primal of human urges, the urge to be of use, disentangling from social striving, consumer obsession, cynicism, boredom, and isolation, and honoring it among the true sources of human happiness.”

Debts, Trespasses, Sins…??? The Language of Liturgy

by Jim Cunningham

We have done much to update the language of worship to be more inclusive, more contemporary. I was counseled to think of the visitor who has little or no experience in Christian worship – like… print out the Lord’s Prayer! I remember the young adult who asked me, “what is a hymn?” We might add… “Doxology, Gloria Patri, Eucharist, Collect, Sermon, Sacrament, Communion, etc.

Touching the language of the traditional Lord’s Prayer can be an especially explosive issue! Still, many have at least given members the option of “Father, Mother, Creator, Spirit, or some other sacred address. Some have changed or discussed changing “lead us not into temptation” questioning the theology – even the Pope has spoken to this. The congregation I attend is led to read, “let us not fall into temptation.”

I did convince one congregation to move from “debts” to “sin.” Still, what does “sin” mean to those not familiar with church history or tradition?

I wonder how Jesus would word this prayer if alive in our time? Perhaps we should challenge our members to each give this a try. I think the resulting discussion would be most interesting.

I did preach about the Lord’s Prayer as a transitional preacher just before moving to Phoenix in March. I ended the sermon with my contemporary rewrite. I was pleased and impressed with the interest and thoughtful response from many in the congregation. Several shared their own rewrite of the Lord’s Prayer the following Sunday. On my last Sunday, the placemats for lunch were pictures of my ministry and a copy of the Lord’s Prayer version I wrote.

Here is my thinking as of today. I invite you to share your own contemporary rewrite of the Lord’s Prayer.

Sacred Spirit, Creator, the Mystery within all and beyond all.
Your vision for life and creation be realized now.
Give us this day what we need to live fully and faithfully in the moment.
Forgive us when we have been disrespectful,
As we forgive others who have been disrespectful.
Grant us wisdom and strength to resist evil.
We live in your Presence and Love, forever. Amen.

Getting Started with Our Whole Lives

by Karen Richter

Does your congregation have an Our Whole Lives program for children or adults? Have you thought about it but aren’t sure where to start?

Our Whole Lives (often abbreviated OWL) is a holistic, factual, and values-based set of human sexuality curricula designed and supported jointly by the Unitarian Universalist Association and the United Church of Christ. And OMG…it’s so awesome. Positive and affirming sexuality education is like the Gospel – it’s Good News!

As an Our Whole Lives facilitator and trainer, I see the bedrock of OWL like this: Sexuality is a gift from a loving Creator. Shadow Rock folks have heard me use this language: “When we say that God loves everybody, that means God loves Every Body!” Even when the program is presented as a secular educational opportunity, this life-giving mindset comes through.

Our Whole Lives “angel tree” helps Shadow Rockers feel connected to our OWL program and fills our cabinets with necessary supplies.

Want to think about this a bit more? Here are some places to start:

Karen’s Our Whole Lives YouTube playlist
These are not official Our Whole Lives videos, but they can help you start thinking in an OWL-ish kind of way.
Facilitator Training
You can see upcoming training on the UCC’s OWL pages.
Shadow Rock will host secondary level training (grades 7-9 and 10-12) in November. The training weekend is a great experience – intense and formative – even if you don’t have plans to lead the curriculum immediately.
Do some reading! For children, I recommend Robie Harris’s series and Corey Silverberg’s fantastically inclusive What Makes a Baby. For adults, check out Christopher Ryan’s Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships. My favorite read of 2018 so far is Sonya Renee Taylor’s The Body is Not an Apology.
Reflect a bit on your own sexuality education. What was good about it? What was missing? What are your hopes and dreams for your own children or for the children in your neighborhood and community?
Let’s talk! There are very few things that I am more enthusiastic about than Our Whole Lives. If you’re in central AZ, let’s have coffee. If you’re not, shoot me an email and let’s find a time to chat.

Our Whole Lives is a gift TO the United Church of Christ and a gift FROM the United Church of Christ. Let’s make the most of it!

Karen Richter serves on the Board of the Southwest Conference United Church of Christ and is an All-Levels Approved Our Whole Lives Trainer and Facilitator. You can get in touch with Karen via email karen@shadowrockucc.org.

Baby Wisdom

by Davin Franklin-Hicks

Our survival in this life is contingent on how we understand our basic needs. Living is the practice of meeting these needs. Our ability to meet those needs changes as we change. We complicate this extraordinarily well throughout our lives.

We have needs.
We come into this world, screaming and demanding .
Those cries from the newborn beckon us to help them survive.
Their cries beg for food, warmth and safety. And so it starts.

We seem to lose the understanding of our own needs as we grow older. We get conditioned in all sorts of ways as we live. The further we get away from the day we were born, the less we seem able to tolerate our own neediness. We judge it.

It hurts my heart when I witness someone embarrassed to admit that they have a need. We cast shame on people for needing and for expressing that need. Some even taunt others about it. “You don’t have to be such a big baby about it.”

In an effort to be “less of a baby” about it, we begin to push away the awareness that our own needs exist and forget that it’s crucial to have these needs met. We deny our needs and that usually comes out sideways in our living.

We work against our own survival at times because we don’t want to be vulnerable and we don’t want to be rejected. We do not want to have needs that we cannot meet on our own. We want self sufficiency and for others to view us as strong.

So we…
…starve ourselves.
…gamble away our security and safety.
… make choices that leave us out in the cold.

And we sprinkle all of that with a nice dose of shame and loneliness.

In our living, we often focus on the weight of need and it can be burdensome. If that’s where we are focused, we miss the true life-affirming part of need.

When we were babies, completely reliant on others, we learned something each time we had a need met: It’s not our needs alone that make us human, it’s the never being alone in our need that truly helps us live.

In our most vulnerable moments, we may desperately want to deny our needs even exist. We may want to hide the evidence of our humanity. I hope we do that less and less as we grow.

And I sincerely hope we will be big babies about it.

Blessed are . . .

by Abigail Conley

Each year, we bless backpacks for kids headed back to school. We’ll pray over teachers’ bags and college students’ bags, and the bag of pretty much anyone who wants, but it starts with the kids. I make luggage tags for their backpacks, reminding them they are loved. Like the lectionary, I rotate on a three-year cycle, figuring it can work for more than one thing.

Overall, I think the Episcopalians and the Catholics do a better job of blessing than Congregationalists of most varieties. I could be wrong, but blessing just doesn’t hold the same prestige in our understanding of church. I am far more inclined to say that the ordinary is holy than to reserve a thing as purely holy; that inclination is a product of the churches that formed me.

Not surprisingly, the most ready notion of blessing for me is the Beatitudes. Along with the Lord’s Prayer, they were one of the texts memorized in fifth grade Sunday school if one wanted to graduate into youth group.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. (Matthew 5:3-12)

I most appreciate interpreting the Beatitudes as pronouncement. By speaking it, Jesus makes it true that these things are blessed.

For we who join in God’s work, this is why we bless backpacks. By speaking a word of blessing upon them, we make the work they represent holy. One of the gifts of the church is that we can discern this together.

While education is transformative, it is not easy. For children, it is not always good. My grandfather bribed me to go to kindergarten and not cry. I was barely old enough for kindergarten and the teacher’s whistle scared me. It took months to coax out that truth of why kindergarten was so hard. In the meantime, my grandfather paid me fifty cents a day to go to school, not to cry, and trusted me to tell him the truth. He paid me in quarters every weekend. The price was set at fifty cents because it was the cost of a can of soda at recess.

Later grades would bring other challenges. I had the same terrible teacher for second and third grades. My elementary school closed. Middle school is terrible for pretty much everyone. Then I wonder if high school is any better and mostly, I think about how hard it all was. It was hard for me, who got straight As, who had plenty of friends, who never got picked on. I can only imagine what it was like for other kids. School itself, even with saintly teachers, is far from holy. It is blessed because we choose for it to be. It is blessed because the Church has decided to bless it.

I wonder what things we’re missing. What aren’t we calling holy? What things need our blessing? What is waiting for a word of transformation?

Faithful Decision Making – Rising to the Challenge of the Times

by Karen Richter

When Scott and I were first married, we had a friend named Glenn who worked with Scott at Barnett Bank in Florida. Glenn told us one evening about watching a teller at the bank flipping through a large stack of bills… She touched each bill for a fraction of a second and maybe once in the stack she would pull a bill out and put it to the side. These were the bills that she suspected were counterfeit. Actually more than suspecting, she just KNEW – knew from the slight variations of the texture of the paper and ink under the edge of her thumb.

What does that story have to do with discernment? Discernment is not like that. We very seldom ‘just know.’ Over a person’s lifetime, they make millions of decisions of all shapes and sizes. Over a person’s lifetime, maybe for one of those decisions, they “just know.”

The traditional practice of discernment – faithful decision making – as spiritual discipline owes much to the Catholic Ignatian tradition and to Quaker practices. There’s a history there and much ancient wisdom… but that’s not today’s blog.

Discernment is a practice suited well to the times in which we live. So let’s take a minute to talk about how we might understand these times. So many of us have a gut feeling that there’s something special different unique going on in our churches and institutions. Is it just our imagination or are things truly changing more quickly and more profoundly than in times past? Church historian Phyllis Tickle writes about this idea: that every 500 years or so, the church has a “great rummage sale” in which ideas and notions of the role of the church get all shifty (The Great Emergence, Baker Books 2012). The Protestant Reformation was the most recent of these great transitions (Luther’s theses were posted on Halloween in 1517 – early Renaissance social media LOL). The Reformation was a time in which the authority of the church shifted in a profound way – from the Pope and the hierarchy of the church to the scriptures.

1517… hmmm. Well… TICK TOCK Y’ALL. We’re due for another great rummage sale, and it’s happening all around us. Tickle’s thesis is that the transition in which we’re living now is another change in our source of authority: from the Bible to the Spirit.

Assuming that she’s right*, it behooves us to learn the best ways to hear the voice of Spirit. And that’s what discernment is all about. Spiritual direction is a great setting in which to dive into personal and vocational discernment. I think of direction as a container in which discernment can unfold.

In that container (or in whatever setting we are discerning), there’s an atmosphere of trust.

We trust the deep desires of our heart. When we ask discernment questions, we trust that our hearts are already leaning the right way. We trust that God somehow has placed those desires in our hearts.
We trust the goodness of Life at a basic level. In this way, we are able to hold our decision lightly… to remain open and receptive to the Spirit’s movement, letting go of our own agenda even if just for a time.
We trust our imagination and intuition. We allow our emotions and physical sensations to inform our decision making. My spiritual direction mentor and supervisor Rev Teresa Blythe has this go-to question: ‘where do you feel this decision in your body?’ It took me a while sitting with this question to grasp what it means.
Finally, we trust our community. We lean on one another’s wisdom.

Discernment is entwined with the Cs of our faith journey– commandment, commission, and commitment – and interacts with those concepts around the question of HOW. Discernment is all about the HOW.

How do we respond to the commandment of love? What does our call to love look like on the ground, in real life?
How do we live into the task before us – our commission to embrace this life and embody grace and peace? What part of this work is ours to do? What tasks have my name on them?
How do we sustain the commitment that’s required to build the house of Wisdom?

These are the questions of discernment continually lying before us: as a faithful community, as individuals, as a culture, as a species. May we make decisions that are life-giving. Amen.

*☺ I’m not at all qualified to argue with Phyllis Tickle! Her ideas are given the briefest summary/mangle here. The Great Emergence is a fab overview of church history for lay persons.

When We Go Away

by Davin Franklin-Hicks

I have long thought that the strength of family and friend relationships rely solely on exchanges we all have when we are in the same space, hanging out, talking, being together.

I have come to realize, though, this is only part of sustaining connection. The other large, essential part of relationship happens when we are away from each other.

Loving relationship starts in the most tender parts of our being. Our ability to be authentic and present in relationship is quite reliant on the vulnerability we are brave enough to hold inside of ourselves. Vulnerability often calls on fear as a bodyguard. Fear is such a powerful barrier that locks us in and does nothing to help our precious selves find one another.

What we choose to think about, the offenses we sometimes pick up, the conversations we overthink, the way we perceive our own value to those we love, all determines so much of whether a relationship thrives or suffers. The stories we tell ourselves in the in-between times is what determines if love is cultivated or ruptured.

We rely on connection. We long to be with one another. That homesick ache is that very longing and has been with us from day one. It is the motivating part of our living. The plot twist, though, is that deep connection is not fortified with an “I love you” face to face. The deep, sustaining connection happens later when we are apart. It happens when I replay that “I love you” and choose to believe you meant it.