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Missing Sermons and Lessons:  Part II

A: When Domestic Violence Is Revealed—DOs and DON’Ts

B: Elder Abuse: Be Informed and Resources

by Kay Klinkenborg, Church of the Palms UCC

A: WHEN DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS REVEALED…DO’S AND DON’Ts

There are some key truths and safety strategies to know when a situation of domestic violence (DV) is revealed; safety for the victim and you.

TRUTHS:

  • Victims suffer multiple types of abuse with varying levels of severity, the overwhelming constant is that abusers will use whatever means available to control a victim.
  • First and foremost, if a violent act is occurring or imminent, call 911 to get immediate help.
  • Leaving a violent situation is the most dangerous time for a victim.
  • There may be children in the home that the victim has to protect as well as themselves. Don’t believe that an abuser ‘would never hurt the children’.
  • The abuser will lie to get what they want; the married abuser will use the contract as a religious commitment for permission to take over the situation. Truth is: the abuser broke the marriage contract with the first behaviors of emotional, physical, manipulation or sexual abuse.
  • If the victim comes to your home or work place, do not disclose to the abuser where victim (h/she) is or where you live. Never reveal the location of a safe house or domestic violence shelter to a victim’s partner/spouse, or abuser’s family members.
  • Be patient with the victim as they make plans to leave, if they do. Victims leave on an average of 7+ times before they finally leave the abuser. The fear a victim feels for their very life is real. Do not drop support from victim should they return to the abuser. Remember, leaving an abuser is a frightening experience and their life is in danger. 1,2,3,6,8

FIRST PRIORITY SAFETY STRATEGIES:

  • Listen without judgment; keep comments non-judgmental.
  • Refrain from telling a victim what to do; no one knows the abuser better than the victim.
  • Remind the victim that s/he does not deserve the abuse; nor have they done something wrong to provoke it.
  • Offer to help victim contact DV hotline or advocate at a shelter to obtain information; if you give them a written phone number or shelter address, instruct them to keep in their shoe underneath the sole where the abuser cannot find it or a similarly discreet hiding place; not their phone.
  • You could offer to drive them to the shelter or police station.
  • Make a safety plan: the most effective trained people to help the victim make a safety plan is the DV hotline worker, or shelter staff. You can support the victim in the steps they chose to work on that plan.
  • If immediate safety is needed, a shelter is the best place for victim. 1,2,3,6,7,8

SECOND LEVEL SAFETY STRATEGIES

  • Learn about the dynamics of DV from reputable DV intervention or prevention programs
  • Accompany victim to court to obtain a protective order
  • Help build community awareness of domestic violence
  • Make your own list of supportive community resources 2,3,7,8

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE PHONE RESOURCES 2,3,7

National: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) can give phone info for any state

Maricopa County, AZ only Shelter Line: 480-890-3039

Arizona: 24-hour Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233 800-787-3224 (TTD)

AZ Coalition to End Sexual and Domestic Violence: 602-279-2900 800-782-6400 602-279-7270

Domestic Violence Program Information: 602-542-4446

Sexual Assault Hotline RAINN 800-656-HOPE (4673)

B: ELDER ABUSE: BE INFORMED and RESOURCES

Over 500,000 people 60 years of age and older are abused or neglected each year in the United States. It was also found that four times as many incidents of abuse or neglect are never reported, causing researches to estimate that as many as 2 million elderly persons in the United States are abused each year. In 90% of the cases, the abusers were found to be family members and most often were adult children or spouses of those abused. In addition, equal numbers of men and women have been identified as the abusers. However, women, especially those over 80 years of age, tend to be victimized more than men. 5,8

The National Center on Elder Abuse identifies the following as signs of elder abuse:

  • Bruises, pressure marks, broken bones, abrasions, and burns may indicate physical abuse or neglect.
  • Unexplained withdrawal from normal activities and unusual depression may be indicators of emotional abuse.
  • Bruises around the breasts or genital area, as well as unexplained bleeding around the genital area, may be signs of sexual abuse.
  • Large withdrawals of money from an elder’s bank account, sudden changes in a will, and the sudden disappearance of valuable items may be indications of financial exploitation.
  • Bedsores, poor hygiene, unsanitary living conditions, and unattended medical needs may be signs of neglect.
  • Failure to take necessary medicines, leaving a burning stove unattended, poor hygiene, confusion, unexplained weight loss, and dehydration may all be signs of neglect or self-neglect. The family of the elder may not even be aware self-neglect is occurring. It is our responsibility to place a hotline call when we suspect self-neglect is happening. 5,8

Note: Those hired by family to be caregivers are not excluded as potential elder abusers. This can take form as all the types of abuse mentioned in the DV articles; BUT also includes steeling money, checks, using credit cards of the victim, taking items from the home for personal use or resale. The list is endless. Elder citizens are at high-risk to trust implicitly the caregivers if they are kind and attentive.

It is beyond the scope of this article to explore the vulnerability elders are susceptible to regarding in-person, phone and Internet scams. Families need to be extremely watchful of their elder parents’ purchases and interactions with businesses.

The church has the same moral and ethical responsibility to respond, teach, advocate for elders and work to end elder abuse; just as it does for any form of domestic violence. (See Part I article).

Remember, it is not your role to verify that abuse is occurring, only to alert others of your suspicions. Calls to Elder Abuse Hotlines are anonymous; they follow up with in-home visits to make assessments.

ELDER ABUSE REPORTING RESOURCES

  • Arizona Adult Protective Services (APS) is a program within the DES Division of Aging and Adult Services (DAAS) and is responsible for investigating allegations of abuse, exploitation and neglect of vulnerable adults.
  • Online: Adult Protective Services Registry | Arizona Department of Economic Security (az.gov) The online reporting form is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
  • By phone: 1-877-SOS-ADULT (1-877-767-2385) Monday – Friday, 7:00 a.m. – 7:00 p.m. Saturday, Sunday and state holidays: 10:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m.

For life-threatening emergencies, call 911 immediately.

The AAPS also has a register offender’s list where you can determine if the person has been reported before regarding elder abuse.

  • (602) 674-4200 Hotline Elder Abuse AZ
  • (602) 264-4357 – Area Agency on Aging 24hr Helpline AZ
  • (844) 894-4735 or (602) 542-2124 Attorney General’s TASA Helpline AZ
  • (844) 894-4735 or (602) 542-2124 Attorney General’s TASA Helpline Financial Exploitation AZ
  • Eldercare Locator weekdays at 800-677-1116
  • National Adult Protective Services Association 202-370-6292 www.napsa-now.org
  • National Center on Elder Abuse 855-500-3537 (toll-free)

REFERENCES

1 National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV, www,NADCV.org

2 Arizona Coalition to End Sexual and Domestic Violence in Arizona (acesdv.org) ACESDV (website)

3 Domestic Violence Services | Arizona Department of Economic Security (az.gov) (website)

4 How to help a victim of domestic violence | Extension | University of Nevada, Reno (unr.edu) (website)

5 www.medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/elder+abuse

6 US Dept Health & Human Services www.hhs.gov/answers/programs-for-families-and-children/how-do-i-report-elder-abuse/index.html

7 https://elder-abuseca.com/stateResources/arizona.html AZ Elder Abuse

8 National Center on Elder Abuse https://ncea.acl.gov/

©Kay F. Klinkenborg, October, 2021
Spiritual Director
Retired RN, LMFT, Clinical Member AAMFT
Specialties: DV; PTSD; Incest Survivors/Sexual Assault; & Counseling Women
Consultants to IA, IL, KS, MO, NV, NM’s Coalitions Against Domestic Violence

Ron and Stacey

by Rev. Dr. Kristina “Tina” Campbell

My friend, Ron, registers people to vote in Arizona.  He approaches this patriotic task with humility and a sense of determination.  The ravages of COVID did not deter him from making sure that people were equipped to exercise their fundamental American right to have a voice.  Ron registers people to vote. 

Ron’s efforts won both my respect and admiration, and prompted me to recall that when I was a child my family would make a ritual of the act of casting one’s vote.  My parents, my brother, and I would dress up and walk to the polling place with the same reverence one might approach an altar for holy communion.  My brother and I would stand outside of the booth as my parents pulled the curtain to cast their votes. 

Politics were part of my family history.  My grandfather and most of my paternal uncles were in the state legislature, and at the time of my birth, my father served as Secretary of State of Iowa.  Voting was considered part of living, part of being part of a community, part of being a citizen.   

However, not everyone in our country has always been afforded the opportunity to vote, and some have been prevented from voting by unfair laws and unjust interference.  Some people need an advocate like Ron to assist them in casting their vote. 

Last night I went to see Stacey Abrams at the Mesa Arts Center.  Stacey is big on voting.  Stacey is also a woman after my own heart.  She has lived life on a broad canvas, dipping her toe into everything from acting to writing romance novels to running for public office.  She has won elections, and she has lost elections, but she keeps going with justice as her north star. 

Instead of adopting a defeatist attitude in our current social and political climate, Stacey challenges us to imagine we can do something, to try to fix things, to do the work.  She challenges us to focus on what we can do, and to write it down.  Stacey learned early on in her career that she was going to lose at times, and this keeps her centered in a forward momentum.  

Stacey would applaud the efforts of my friend, Ron, and says that voting is a continuum of people knowing their rights, being registered and educated, and then becoming part of a coalition where they are repeatedly reminded of the process.  People need to hear the message “You matter and we want to hear your voice.”  At times Stacey becomes theological, and suggests we need to build relationships by doing for others what we would want them to do for us. 

Stacey warns us that the biggest myth is that the political system is magic, and with a poof can fix our societal woes.  She suggests that politics is more like medicine.  We have social diseases, and voting is our medicine.  The medicine does not always cure, but can stave off the symptoms, and provide containment.  Stacey advises us to temper our expectations, and realize that we are not always going to get a neurosurgeon.  Progress is never permanent, and people who disagree with us will always win elections.  Stacey keeps her own equilibrium by voracious reading and watching lots of tv.  She feels no guilt about her pleasures! 

I am grateful to my friend Ron who quietly performs what I consider to be a profound ministry.  As he registers people to vote, I surround him with light and utter many prayers on his behalf.  He equips people to exclaim “I get to have a say in who we become.”  Many thanks to Ron and Stacey for encouraging us to claim our voice. 

Missing Sermons and Lessons: Part I of II “Why Shy and Silent About Domestic Violence?”

(This series is about adult with adult relationships)

by Kay Klinkenborg, Church of the Palms

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, a topic we seldom write about in our religious or spiritual articles. I was about 40 years old, married to an ordained minister and the first time in my life I heard a sermon from the pulpit on domestic violence in the home and relationships. It was delivered by my husband.  It took another 10 years before I heard a second sermon from the pulpit on domestic violence DV. 

The second sermon was preached by Dr. Roger Compton, pastor of Central Baptist Church in Springfield, IL.  He preached a clear and definitive message on DV and the church’s Christian appropriate response to the victims, in our homes and culture. The next day, Monday, he was greeted at his office by 3+ deacons. “You have stepped over a line this time pastor.   You have gone to meddling.  We can’t have this taking place in our church.” I suspect that one or more of those deacons was guilty of emotional/and or physical abuse in their own marriages. Patriarchy controlling one more time what is permissible to preach about from the Bible. 

There are numerous topics in the field of DV in which our congregations need education.  In Part I, I will focus on what is DV?  What are the statistics in the US and Arizona and some specific ethnic and racial data. That brings forth some key questions, what could we be doing in our churches to help end DV? 

What does domestic violence look like?  Legally, domestic violence is the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another. It includes physical violence, sexual violence, threats, economic, and emotional/psychological abuse. The frequency and severity of domestic violence varies dramatically. 1  It is also called ‘intimate partner violence’ and is not exclusionary to legally defined marriage.  

Domestic Violence (DV) cuts equally across all classes, incomes, social economic stratus in our culture. There is a supportive ‘old boy’s network’ that it is to be kept quiet and what happens in the home is of no concern of others. DV cuts across lesbian and gay relationships as well. We don’t preach the do and don’t of how to be in relationship with each other in healthy ways. We use the word ‘fighting’ when the truth is, couples need to learn how to have a healthy argument. The very word ‘fight’ assumes there is permission to get out of control…having power over someone else. Arguments are about hearing each other out. You might need space to think about what has been said. The ingredients of emotional abuse and threats of physical harm are not present in healthy disagreements. 

An adult person has no permission nor right to physically harm another person. Legally we call that ‘assault’.  So what has perpetrated that permission in the privacy of our homes. There are books, article, testimonies written about how institutionalized patriarchy gives males, or the dominant person in the relationship, permission to do as they please to get their way. Talk about not understanding the Golden Rule!   

When working with couples where DV has just begun to be a pattern, I raise this question to the perpetrator: “Would you do that do you boss, your best friend, or in public?” That got some attention as to why would you use behavior in your home that is unlawful, physically hurts the other person, takes away their rights as humans? Truth is, few DV perpetrators come to therapy. A very small percentage do, if they find early in their relationship they have surprisingly crossed a line they thought they never would in hurting someone they claim to love.   

In the United States, more than 10 million adults experience domestic violence annually.1  

Nationally: 1 in 4 women and 1 in 10 men experience sexual violence, physical violence and/or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetime with ‘IPV-related impact’ such as being concerned for their safety, PTSD symptoms, injury, or needing victim services.2    Approximately 1 in 5 female victims and 1 in 20 male victims need medical care.3  

These numbers are startling! But Arizona’s statistics will make you gasp.  

Arizona:  42.6% of Arizona women and 33.4% of Arizona men experience intimate partner physical violence, intimate partner sexual violence and/or intimate partner stalking.4   In any given room in Arizona with 50 people, there will be approximately 21 females who have had or are currently experiencing DV. 16.7 males would be victims of DV. 

I share just two people of color DV statistics…for the list could go on and on.  American Indian and Alaska Native women experience assault and domestic violence at much higher rates than women of any other ethnicity.  Over 84% of Native women experience violence during their lifetimes. 5

45.1% of Black women and 40.1% of Black men have experienced intimate partner physical violence, intimate partner sexual violence and/or intimate partner stalking in their lifetimes. 6 

We are a country with a shameful record of all types of violence.  Our churches have been silent too long about DV specifically!  If we are to be teaching Jesus’ message of love, justice and extravagant welcome…we need to educate congregations to this pandemic in intimate relationships.  It also indicts us that we are not teaching concepts of healthy communications, managing intense emotions and fair arguing to our people.   When are the open forums/classes that teach about DV?  When is there a speaker’s panel on DV?  We have no excuses:  literature abounds on speaking theologically about DV.  

James E. Wallis Jr. is an American theologian, writer, teacher and political activist. He is best known as the founder and editor of Sojourners magazine and founder of a Washington, DC church by the same name. In 2020, he challenged the ministers who subscribe to his magazine to send a sermon they had preached on DV; he was looking for 100 sermons to print.  He received far more than anticipated.  But he selected these:  100 Sermons on Violence | Sojourners. 

I challenge each of us to click on this site and read at least one sermon about DV.  The Bible is loaded with applicable stories to teach about DV.   

An early book (1984) was written by Dr. Phyllis Trible, widely renowned feminist Biblical scholar and Hebrew scripture professor:  Texts of Terror: Literary-Feminist Readings of Biblical Narratives (among numerous other publications).  One of many books available to those teaching Bible stories or preaching.  

There is not a lack of resources to address DV.  It is the courage to name it, teach the healthy theology and began to shift the ‘shy silence code’ about DV in our churches. 

Domestic violence needs to be spoken about. Addressed. And ended. 

Part II of “Missing Sermons and Lessons” will be a 1) primer on what and what no to do when someone discloses DV to you; 2) an explanation of elder abuse, why seniors are at risk and safeguards to watch to prevent that prevalent form of DV. 

1 National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV, www,NADCV.org   

2  Smith, S.G., Zhang, X., Basile, K.C., Merrick, M.T., Wang, J., Kresnow, M. & Chen, J. (2018). The national intimate partner and sexual violence survey: 2015 data brief – updated release. Atlanta: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/2015data-brief508.pdf.  

3  Smith, S.G., Chen, J., Basile, K.C., Gilbert, L.K., Merrick, M.T., Patel, N., Walling, M., & Jain, A. (2017). The national intimate partner and sexual violence survey (NISVS): 2010-2012 state report. Atlanta: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/NISVS-StateReportBook.pdf.    

4  Arizona Coalition to End Sexual and Domestic Violence (2020). State of Arizona domestic violence related fatalities 2019. Retrieved from https://www.acesdv.org/fatality-reports/.  

5  Smith, S.G., Chen, J., Basile, K.C., Gilbert, L.K., Merrick, M.T., Patel, N., Walling, M., & Jain, A. (2017). The national intimate partner and sexual violence survey (NISVS): 2010-2012 state report. Atlanta: National Center  for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/NISVSStateReportBook.pdf

6 United States Department of Justice. (2000). Full Report of the Prevalence, Incidence, and Consequences of Violence Against Women. Retrieved from: https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/183781.pdf

©Kay F. Klinkenborg, October, 2021
Spiritual Director
Retired RN, LMFT, Clinical Member AAMFT
Specialties: DV; PTSD; Incest Survivors/Sexual Assault;
& Counseling Women. Consultants to IA, IL, KS, MO, NV, NM’s
Coalitions Against Domestic Violence

To Tell the Truth

It’s More Than Just a Game Show

by Rev. Dave Klingensmith, Church of the Palms UCC

I have always enjoyed the game show “To Tell the Truth.” I’ve seen it through several different versions, even was at a taping in NYC once. It has always been fun for me to try to decide, along with the panelists, who is really the one contestant sworn to tell the truth.

Most of us learned from a young age that it was important to tell the truth. Those who raised us drilled it into us. “Don’t lie, tell the truth.” We may have learned it in Sunday School. The Ninth Commandment specifically forbids lying in terms of bearing false witness or what is called perjury today. And though we may have been told that a “little white lie” is sometimes OK, almost all cultures and religions discourage lying of any sort.

But while we are often quick to tell someone else to “tell the truth,” we often don’t like to hear the truth, or face the truth, about ourselves or someone else. Some time ago I discovered in doing some genealogy research that my paternal great-grandfather had committed suicide in the early 1900’s when some investments went bad. It was shocking and surprising. Often families don’t want to face the truth when this happens. People often don’t want to face the truth that a family member is LGBT, or that someone has a mental illness. These days using Ancestry.com or other websites, sometimes people may discover that they have siblings they never knew they had, or even that they may not be the race or nationality they thought they were. Doing other historical research might lead us to discover that our families owned slaves or took land from indigenous people.

It can be hard to face up to this. We may want to brush it under the rug, to tell ourselves “That was a long time ago.” But by doing so we deny ourselves a significant, if challenging, part of our history. To acknowledge it may result in significant growth and even healing for us, and for the descendants of those who were wronged.

Likewise, the information we learned in school about our nation’s history may not always have been totally truthful. I learned about the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor but didn’t learn until much later how we put Japanese-American U.S. citizens in internment camps. We learned about the Civil War and slavery, but textbooks downplayed the cruelty inflicted on slaves, and how our entire society capitalized on the backs of people who were bought and sold. We have often glossed over how even Christian missionaries treated Native Americans as “savages.”

Telling the truth about our nation’s history, especially in regard to racial issues, is important. The term “Critical Race Theory” is an explosive one right now. I would argue for a different term – Critical Race History – or even just Telling the Truth About Our History. When we do not acknowledge painful or troubling events or try to say they have no relevance today, we are denying the humanity of someone’s great-great grandparent who was a slave. We may have to tell the truth, that someone we may have admired was really a brutal plantation owner or a ship owner who transported slaves from Africa.

When school districts, or states, maybe even religious groups, try to deny painful parts of our history, we all lose. We lose the opportunity to acknowledge the truth, to admit our complicity in that history, and to see how we can do something today to atone for the past.

We can tell the truth about our history so that injustices don’t happen again. If we don’t tell the truth and acknowledge injustices, we can expect to repeat them.

“You have set my feet in a broad place.”

by Rev. Deb Worley

“I will exult and rejoice in your steadfast love, because you have seen my affliction; you have taken heed of my adversities, and have not delivered me into the hand of my enemy; you have set my feet in a broad place.”

(Psalm 31:7-8, NRSV)

God sees David’s afflictions. God knows what things are causing David pain and heartache and anxiety. God is aware of David’s challenges and struggles, and can name his fears and his foes.

With gentleness and tenderness and compassion, God holds all that causes David to shrink and shrivel and clench and constrict.

With power and strength and courage, God holds all that leads David to feel less than and “bound up” and, somehow, diminished….

David knows that God sees and understands and contains all of that…and still, has not turned David over to any of those things.

David knows that God is bigger and stronger and truer than any of those things, and in knowing that, in trusting in that, in claiming that, he knows that he will not be “delivered into,” not be given over, not be consumed by any of those things.

God will win. God has won. David knows this, and claims this….and can then breathe again.

“You have set my feet in a broad place.”

Ahhhh….there is un-shrinking, and un-shriveling, and un-clenching, and un-constricting as David breathes….

“You have set my feet in a broad place.”

Ahhhh…there is a letting go of less-than-ness, a loosening of bound-up-ness, a releasing of the feeling of being diminished…..

“You have set my feet in a broad place.”

Ahhhh…there is a standing tall, an unassuming strength, a quiet courage, with room to breathe…because David knows that God knows, that God sees, that God holds…and that God loves. And David can breathe. And exult. And rejoice. And breathe.

And that makes all the difference.

God, I want to be like David….
Amen.

Can spirituality or religion decrease or even prevent depression?

by Kay Klinkenborg, Church of the Palms UCC; Spiritual Director; Retired: RN, LMFT, Clinical Member AAMFT

A burst of joy went off inside me as I read of research by Dr. Lisa Miller, PhD that has clinical documentation revealing depression is avoided and certainly significantly reduced in persons that recorded a high connection to religion and/or spirituality.1 I had a hunch that was true.  Each of us has had a thrilling moment when we read something that ‘jibes with what we thought but we couldn’t prove it.’  I anticipate that is what your reaction will be to this essay about depression/ religion/spirituality.  Dr. Miller has just published her book: The Awakened Brain: The New Science of Spirituality and Our Quest for an Inspired Life. She is a practicing psychologist and faculty at Columbia University.

     The fields of psychology and psychiatry have been hesitant to do research to determine if there was a correlation between depression and personal connection to religion or spirituality. Some of that stems from the long history that science and religion have no connection in many academic fields of study. Another factor of resistance comes from the hesitation to know the truth.  What if is true there is a correlation? “But I don’t want to be a religious/spiritual person. That doesn’t fit with how I see the world, or even might not believe in a creator.” Attached to that are topics beyond this essay as to what defines spirituality and what defines religion.  And ‘religion as a formal place to worship’ or ‘belonging to a denomination’ is not in those definitions.

     I add a statement of medical reality before you read further. There are mental health diagnoses that are beyond the scope of this article; and there are diagnoses of chemical imbalances, etc. Miller is talking about widespread depression that many around the world experience. I will comment more later.

     In 2012, Dr. Miller approached the idea to colleagues on an upcoming research project about depression: “I’d be very surprised if we find any kind of association between spirituality and depression, but we shall see,” (senior MRI colleague in charge of the research).1  Contemporary psychotherapy tended to characterize spirituality and religion as a crutch or defense, a set of comforting beliefs to lean on in hard times.1,2

     Miller’s team had used colleague Myrna’s multigenerational sample of clinically depressed and non-depressed women, and their children and grandchildren. We’d taken MRI scans of people at high and low genetic risk for depression to see if there were any patterns among the brain structures of depressed and non-depressed participants that could allow us to develop more targeted and effective treatments.1   

     They asked all participants to respond to a major question used in the clinical science literature to quantify inner life: How personally important is religion or spirituality to you? 1,2

            THE RESULTS of MRI BRAIN SCANS:  “On the top half of the page was a black rectangle with two brain images inside. The scan on the left showed the composite brain image of participants with low spirituality—those who had reported that religion or spirituality was of medium, mild, or low importance. The scan on the right showed the composite brain of participants with sustained, high spirituality—those who had said religion or spirituality was of high personal importance.

     The brain on the left—the low-spiritual brain—was flecked intermittently with tiny red patches. But the brain on the right—the brain showing the neural structure of people with stable and high spirituality—had huge swaths of red, at least five times the size of the small flecks in the other scan. The finding was so clear and stunning, it stopped my breath. The high-spiritual brain was healthier and more robust than the low-spiritual brain. And the high-spiritual brain was thicker and stronger in exactly the same regions that weaken and wither in depressed brains.”1

Spirituality appeared to protect against mental suffering.1,2

     “The MRI findings marked a pivotal moment on the way to my breakthrough discovery that each of us has an awakened brain. Each of us is endowed with a natural capacity to perceive a greater reality and consciously connect to the life force that moves in, through, and around us. Whether or not we participate in a spiritual practice or adhere to a faith tradition, whether or not we identify as religious or spiritual, our brain has a natural inclination toward and docking station for spiritual awareness. The awakened brain is the neural circuitry that allows us to see the world more fully and thus enhance our individual, societal, and global well-being.”1,2

     I interpret Miller’s findings as supporting that God has created us with a phenomenal capacity to have an awakened brain. How do we feed that possibility?  In raising children, what needs to be a focus on their learning and exposure to keep that part of the brain and alive and curious?  There is “a God within us” and it is alive and active. What a celebration to have science document something that is thousands of years old, known by mystics, orally told through the ages!

The awakened brain offers more than a model for psychological health.1,2

Through many examples in her book, Miller documents that when we have a moderate to high connection to spirituality/ religion: “we awaken, we feel more fulfilled and at home in the world, and we build relationships and make decisions from a wider view. We cultivate a way of being built on a core awareness of love, interconnection, and the guidance and surprise of life.”1

“I’ve discovered that the awakened brain is both inherent to our physiology and invaluable to our health and functioning. The awakened brain includes a set of innate perceptual capacities that exist in every person through which we experience love and connection, unity, and a sense of guidance from and dialogue with life. And when we engage these perceptual capacities—when we make full use of how we’re built—our brains become structurally healthier and better connected, and we access unsurpassed psychological benefits: less depression, anxiety, and substance abuse; and more positive psychological traits such as grit, resilience, optimism, tenacity, and creativity.”1

     I hear your appropriate questions: “But I have physiological depression, a chemical imbalance in my body” or “I had a stroke and after that I have lived with depression, never had it before, but now it’s a constant companion” or “after heart surgery I was blue and never been like that before in my life.” Where do I fit in this study?

     Part of the answer is that medical/physiological depression is a different experience than situational or stress-induced depression. There is no guarantee that any of us will go throughout our entire life and not experience one or more bouts of depression, of varying degrees. Life is more complex than to say: “if you are highly spiritual and religious you won’t have depression.”  What the study does show is that the correlation of those who ranked a high importance of spirituality and/or religion in their life, had far less experiences of deep depression or persistent depression. It is about learning to honor the ‘lure to spirituality/ religion’ and reinforcing an active healthy mental and spiritual life.  Miller in her book goes into chapters of detail through memoir notes and case studies that prove what the research found on the MRI brain scans plays out as true in real life:  a moderate to high connection to spirituality/religion is a powerful tool to a healthy balance in our lives; we can develop skill sets that help us be resilient, compassionate and live full lives.  

1Miller, Lisa  (2021).  “Can a Commitment to Religion or Spirituality Help Ward Off Depression’s Debilitating Hold?”  Lit Hub on line e-letter, August 19, 2021.

2Miller, Lisa (2021). The Awakened Brain: The New Science of Spirituality and Our Quest for an Inspired Life.  Random House, New York.

© Kay F. Klinkenborg, September 2021

Reflections of a Children’s Chaplain

by Dr. Kristina “Tina” Campbell

As we walk the hallowed halls with a deep desire to bring spiritual comfort to patients and families, there are times when we must pause to experience our own humanity.  There are times when we must pause to connect with our own spiritual source for perspective, strength, and refreshment.  There are times when we must reconnect with our own sense of being human.  There are times when we must step back and mourn.

As we view a child’s body pulled from the bottom of a green pool, we must step back and mourn.  As we witness teenaged attempts to take their own lives by hanging, gun shot, starvation or overdose, we must step back and mourn.  As we witness a nurse drape a newborn baby for transfer to the morgue, we must step back and mourn.  As we view the mangled body of a joyride gone bad, we must step back and mourn.  As we see the skyrocketing cases of children with COVID gasping for air, we must step back and mourn.  As we witness the contorted physical pain of sickle cell, we must step back and mourn.  As we view the strained face of a doctor informing a grandmother that there is nothing more medicine can do, we must step back and mourn.  Amid panicked fear, threadbare nerves, and lives forever changed or ended, we must step back and mourn.

Finding a private space in the quiet corner of our hearts, we bow and we weep, because we know if we do not, we will lose our human connection and become mere robots.  We are trained, we are hurried, we are present, and yet our calling is to be fully human.  In acknowledgement of our common humanity, there are times when we must step back and mourn.  Amen.

Dr. Campbell, UCC clergy, BCC, is a Staff Chaplain at Phoenix Children’s Hospital.

Weary

by Rev. Deb Worley

“Come to me,
all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens,
and I will give you rest.”
–Jesus–
(Matthew 11:28)

Ahhhh…rest…. 
Who among us doesn’t need rest?? 

We are all weary. 

Some of us might only say we’re a little tired…
Some of us might acknowledge that we’re pretty worn out…
Some of us might go so far as to say, actually, we’re exhausted…
Some of us might be drained beyond words,
     on the verge of being totally depleted…

Wherever we fall on that continuum, we are all weary.

And we are all carrying heavy burdens.

For some of us those burdens might be externally apparent–
Perhaps family or work or church or other responsibilities… 
Perhaps visible health concerns, known losses, or shared struggles… 
For others of us our burdens might be internally held–
Perhaps hidden grief or secret shame or unspoken despair… 
Perhaps unacknowledged addiction or abuse,
     or long-buried resentment or rage… 
For some of us–perhaps most of us–the burdens are of both types… 

Whether externally apparent or internally held,
we are all carrying heavy burdens.

So what do we do? How do we get the rest that Jesus promises?
How do we let him lighten our load,
     ease our burdens,
          and tend to our souls?

That’s a question each of us has to answer for ourselves. 

What do you do to allow space in your life for soul-tending? 

What do you do to grant Jesus access to your weariness and burdens?

How do you respond to his invitation,
     “Come to me…and I will give you rest?” 

One of the ways I respond, when I recognize that my spirit needs tending, is by getting away to stillness and solitude. It may only be for an hour, for a hike in the nearby hills, or–when I’m both very much in need and very lucky (and the planets are in alignment!), it may be for twenty-four hours [or, as it turns out, forty-eight!], for an overnight stay/silent retreat at a nearby monastery (which is where I am as I write this, as the Our Lady of Guadalupe Abbey in Pecos–the picture below is from last night).  

We are all weary, and we are all carrying heavy burdens,
     and our souls all need tending.

“Come to me…and I will give you rest,” Jesus promises.

How do you respond? 

Peace, and rest for our weary souls, be with us all.
Deb

Not Again…What Do We Do Now?

by Kay Klinkenborg, Church of the Palms UCC

Disappointed, angry, frustrated, discouraged, maybe even despair.  Here we are again with COVID cases rising.  We set our hopes and dreams on a different outcome and projected what our future for 2021 would hold.   But maybe, just maybe that is what creates our pain, of not accepting ‘reality’ as it is.   We had no guarantees, no promises, some stated hopes from the professional scientists. But we are in uncharted waters headed to a new land in which we haven’t lived before.  And we’re most certainly grieving that it hasn’t played out as we hoped.

Where does faith and hope fit in this current ‘reality’?  Right smack dab in the middle of it!  For if we allow ourselves to be projecting out front of ourselves as to what will be, we set up unrealistic expectations.  Faith is dealing with realistic realities, so we must practice realistic expectations for the months, possibly years ahead.

Our world prides itself that there are advanced countries with vast resources. But a fact of nature, Coronavirus, COVID has brought us to our knees. As has the ‘Red Alert of Climate Change’ announced this week by the UN report of climatic changes and predictions for the future.  But that is not the only pandemic happening in our world.  Disastrous weather events, fires, massive floods, hurricanes, earthquakes, famine, wars, racism, Afghanistan crisis, the rise of nationalism and white extremist groups in America and abroad.  Are we overwhelmed, YES and if we aren’t, we are numb or disconnected from reality.

So, what are the realistic expectations on which we need to focus?  I offer no panacea of actions, but I do offer life lessons that have brought me through tough times and documented by numerous others in memoirs and professional literature. 

First: we are not alone. Numerous scripture reminders of this truth comfort us.  Isaiah 43: 5 states: “Fear not for I am with you…” “FEAR NOT” is in the Bible 365 times.  Isn’t it intriguing to think that thousands of years ago people were leaning on those same words just as we need them today? And there is the profound gift of the Presence of the Divine in each of us, so we are here for each other.

Second: we don’t have to have all the answers.  Living with ‘unknowing’ is hard and stressful. But it is also a learned art in our spiritual journey.  Life doesn’t come with guarantees.  And if we are learning that for the first time…we must own our naivete.   We each come learning how to cope in new ways; how to be friends and present for each other.  We come learning that ‘ambiguity’, not knowing can be a personal place of growth in our faith journey.  In the book, The Wisdom of Not Knowing: Discovering A Life of Wonder by Embracing Uncertainty, Dr Estelle Frankel reminds us that “spiritual evolution doesn’t take place through inquiry…but meditating with complex questions.”   Sit with our questions…don’t be afraid of questions.   

Third: we can do this one hard thing!  Travel this journey, live with the unknown outcomes. Take one day at a time.  Believe in ourselves and the strength of God that underpins the core of who we are and lives within us.   We have all done hard things before we didn’t think we could do or find our way through. But we did. We are resilient!  We can remain resilient.   And tapping into our ingenuity and creativity and sharing that with one another is a miracle gift in time of struggle.   We can be a balm to others; we can allow others to be balm to us.

Fourth: we need to ask for what we need.  People can’t read our minds.  If we need a phone call or a visit with a safe vaccinated person and share a cup of tea, we need to speak up.  It is not a time to be shy.  Yes, some of us with underlying medical conditions must limit the size of groups in which we can participate; but we can still practice safe health measures.  And don’t forget our technology…phones and internet for some.  

Fifth: claim and practice our creativity that each of us can embody. Erich Fromm, in Man for Himself states: “Creativity requires the courage to let go of certainties.”  We have an opportunity to engage with the ‘extraordinary in the ordinary’ of our daily lives.  From the dishes we wash, the smell of clean laundry, the food we prepare.  Very mundane tasks we think; but Celtic spirituality teaches us these are the moments where the sacred insights and ‘ahh’ can pop open and bring delightful surprise. Creativity is like art…it is merely anything you do or produce or participate in that expresses who you are.  You don’t have to be a formal artist, it isn’t with paint, brush, or graphic pencils…but it can be.   One such experience was in a women’s group I led in Missouri; we had a share-our creativity-day.  Women brought home canned goods from their gardens; a term paper written for a college class; a pie they baked for a sick friend.  Crochet, knitting, quilt pieces, favorite recipes copied off to share. A letter of encouragement to their children. And the list went on.  Creativity expressing who they were and how they saw themselves in the moment.

“In Jewish Kabbalah tradition, creativity is also linked with the divine realm. All forms of creative expression is linked with divine nothingness, ayin.  According to Kabbalah, all wisdom, understanding, and knowledge flow from ayin.  Oft quoted is Job: 28:12:  ‘Wisdom emerges from nothingness [ayin}.’ “ Estelle Frankel, The Wisdom of Not Knowing; p 124.

What we fear about being stymied, bored, and restricted once again is we are about ‘nothing’; not able to do what we hoped for…again what are the realistic expectations?   

Sixth: take a serious look at the skills you brought forth at other times of struggles.  Lean back into what worked before.  Maybe it was prayer, quiet time alone, talk with a trusted friend, reading spiritual literature or the Bible.  Take a virtual walk with your computer in this time of heat waves…look up beautiful scenes and use your imagination to be in that place absorbing that beauty. Grab a favorite book or picture album off your shelf.  It can change a gloomy day into one of joy.  We all underestimate the skills we have used to survive in hard times.  I found that consistently with my clients and spiritual directees.  When I helped them begin to list ‘how did you do that?” they are astounded at the skills they brought forth to make things work.  We function so unconsciously many times, we don’t claim all that has taken place that reveals quite a remarkable coping individual. 

Seventh: it is not an abnormal reaction to these times to need to seek out professional help; even for a few sessions to talk with someone neutral. We are our own worst enemies in judging our coping skills as lacking.  Seek out a Spiritual Companion/Director or Counselor.  Don ‘t expect that any of us needs to go this alone.  It is a highly tense unexpected set of world circumstances; none of us has the map. But we can journey together, and support can make all the difference.

Eighth: don’t be afraid of reality.   Look this square in the face.  This won’t change tomorrow or the next day.  We must have realistic expectations…the hoped for, dreamed about end to this is not visible.  We must live in reality to be healthy and take adequate care of our bodies, minds, and souls.   Living out into the future is wasted energy; now I am not saying we don’t make plans…but let us learn to make plans to will require us to be fluid and flexible in these times.  Learning to ‘be in the moment like never before’ can become a mantra, a sustenance, a relief.

Nadia Bolz-Weber, ordained minister and public inspirational speaker wrote on her monthly e-letter a week ago: 

“Because actual reality is also the only place where actual joy is to be found. If joy is delayed until a preferred future comes about, we set ourselves up for despair. But if there is hope in THIS day. Joy in THIS reality. This life. This body. This heart, then certainly we can prevail.

We can. We will. We are.

Be gentle with yourselves right now.”  Nadia Bolz-Weber

I have no doubt we can continue on this hard journey, find our way, find joy where we least expect it, and experience a deeper faith and understanding of the Divine within us and others.  We can do this one hard thing:  look reality in the face, practice our faith, and be honest about our struggles on this unexpected tumultuous journey.

© Kay F. Klinkenborg, MA August 2021
Spiritual Director/Counselor
Retired RN, LMFT, Clinical Member AAMFT
(Assoc. for Marriage & Family Therapists)
Member Church of the Palm, Sun City, AZ

Grieving Well

by Rev. Lynne Hinton, Conference Director, New Mexico Conference of Churches

At a worship service a couple of weeks ago at St. John’s UMC in Albuquerque, visiting preacher Rev. Scott Carpenter spoke about five tasks churches need to accomplish in order to thrive. The first task was to grieve well.

This focus on grief as the first task for a faith community to grow strong surprised me. Having been a hospice chaplain for years, I spend a lot of time and thought regarding grief, regarding loss. I understand the need to honor grief but I had never seriously considered it as a necessary function for communities of faith to thrive. And yet, grief is necessary to move forward. And if we’ve ever needed to grieve in churches, it’s now.

Over 600,000 persons have died in our country from Covid 19. Businesses have closed. Churches have had to shut their doors permanently. Dreams have ended. Suicides and mental illness emergencies are on the rise. And in poorer countries, the pandemic continues to ravage entire populations. We need to grieve what has been lost, what we have lost.

In [his book] RealLivePreacher.com, Pastor Gordon Atkinson writes about going to a mountain church in Colorado as part of his annual family vacation. He goes to the little community church alone and he goes to weep.

He writes, “I cry in their church because I can’t cry in my own. I’m not suggesting that we discourage crying at our church. I’m saying I am not ABLE to cry there. Being in charge shuts something down in me, I think. So every summer in Creede I unpack a year’s worth of sorrow, joy, and wonder.

“I cry in church because it is my time to be served. I’m like the woman who prepares the meals for her family each day. One day she comes home, and her children have prepared a meal for her. She bursts into tears because it’s her turn to receive. It doesn’t mean she wants to stop cooking. It’s just nice that it’s her turn.

“I cry for those reasons, but mostly I cry because at Creede Community Church I can see the truth. Sitting in that simple pew on the back row, I see the Church Universal in all her glory and silliness. The truth is, we are not sophisticated at all. We are nothing more than children, sticking our drawings to the fridge with tiny magnets, offering our best to the heavens on a wing and a prayer. We are precious, but perhaps only in His sight.

“I think messy little boys and girls praying in church must be irresistible to God. When God slows down and licks his fingers to slick down my cowlick, I catch a fleeting glimpse of the hem of his robe.

“And a glimpse is more than enough for me.

“That is the moment of true worship, and I always seem to find it in Creede.

“And in that moment, I cry from pure joy and relief.”

Do you have a place where you can weep? Do you have time set aside in your life to mourn your losses, honor the sorrow you carry, and feel free to let your emotions loose? And do you have a place where you receive, a place where you don’t have to be the faith leader or the pastor holding it together, a place where you can be served and know the loving presence of God?

My hope, of course, is that you do and that you have been there this year, that you have wept in sorrow and relief, and that you have been received, and ultimately that you have known joy. That is my hope for us all.

You are the light of the world.