community – Page 11 – Southwest Conference Blog

Finding Happiness

In the Spring 2018 semester, Yale launched their most popular course ever, “Psychology and the Good Life.” It was a course on happiness, and enrollment skyrocketed. A quarter of Yale students enrolled in the class, and the institution struggled to meet the demands from such a large enrollment. Dr. Laurie Santos developed the course to help address rising rates of depression, anxiety and stress among students. The course was so popular, it was soon launched on the online learning platform Coursera as “The Art of Happiness.”

I signed up for the class out of curiosity. It’s free unless you want the certificate of completion. Of course I wanted the certificate of completion, so I paid an extra $49 to get a piece of paper at the end. (Hey—maybe it counts for CEUs!) I should mention that I wasn’t particularly unhappy going in. Taking a class on happiness seems to imply that the student must be unhappy. I’m more of a taking-a-class-inherently-makes-me-happy person.

Within about 2 weeks of starting the class, I had one major take-away not named in the class: being part of a church will make you happier. It will make you happier according to science, not just some pastor. It will make you happier even though being the Church is hard right now. It’s hard as institutions struggle through the time before resurrection. It’s hard as we face what seem like insurmountable social justice issues. And yet, time and again, polls also report that people who are part of a faith community are happier and live longer than those who are not part of a faith community. Now there’s easily accessible data to name why.

Here are some of the things I learned will actually make you happier in a way that transforms your life:

Stop worrying about stuff.
Practice gratitude.
Meditate.
Be socially connected.
Keep a regular sleep schedule.

Most any of us who show up to church occasionally realize that church helps us cultivate all of those things. If you can walk or bike to church, you will manage to hit every single thing that will make you happier, clinically speaking.

I preach often about the gifts of the church, the Christian community gathered. I love the story of Pentecost, when the Holy Spirit becomes a normal, expected presence with the gathered church. That presence is a break from the occasional and extraordinary presence with the prophets, when a word from the Lord might be rare.

And yet, it is a little shocking to be reminded that the church has a profound gift to offer just by existing like most of our churches do. We pass an offering plate each week and say, “You have enough to give away. Trust us.” We take time to name what is good and what is difficult and hold it in a space with other people. We do it on a day traditionally known as Sabbath, and keep saying that holding space for rest matters. And even when we gather with people who are so very different from us, we find people who will check in on us and love us and show up in wonderfully unexpected places.

In this class, we were also challenged to take on one of these habits. For success, we were even asked to tell someone else our goal. It was for a finite period, with a clinical measure of success before and after. Part of the point is that it’s so difficult to make a significant change like the things named. We don’t naturally choose what is good for us. Again, not really a surprise to church people.

I am reminded that one of the most profound gifts of all is that the Church, with all its imperfections, keeps going along, reminding us to worry less about our stuff, to be grateful, to pray, to honor Sabbath, to show up—even if it’s just to be together. In our case, it is not an art that one person cultivates, but a faith we continue to hold onto for the promise of something better for our world. Happiness is only the tip of the iceberg.

Performance

by Karen Richter

I love reading Slate’s advice columns. Recently, I read advice from teachers to parents at the start of the school year. The first response involved a teacher asking parents to think through their request for extra information about their child’s school experience. Specifically, the teacher said that parents often tell her, “Share with me everything always.” And of course, this is not really feasible or even beneficial for most families or most teachers.

But it got me thinking: why would a parent even say that? Is Parent X really expecting a daily stream-of-consciousness report from their progeny’s teacher? Probably not.

Here is my suspicion: We say things that we assume others are expecting to hear, and we say things that give others a certain impression of who we are. In this specific situation, there is a special kind of anxiety for a parent when meeting with their child’s teacher. Many parents would admit that it’s important that their child’s teacher have a positive impression. We want to be “good parents,” with all the baggage of expectations that label entails. In all kinds of situations (not just parenting at the beginning of the school year), we’re prone to the same behavior: performance. We humans are always asking, “What is expected of me?” The game of managing, meeting, exceeding the expectations of others around us takes a lot of our energy. It’s exhausting, actually. To make matters worse, the more time we spend on The Performance Game the more difficult it becomes to recognize when we’re playing it.

What if we stopped?

What if our churches became places where people practiced NOT performing? A few years ago, a friend from church talked with me about a Sunday morning struggle. There are those weeks, she explained, when you and your partner are fussing and cranky with one another, the children are slow in getting ready, and the counter top is sticky. So you rush through the routine, pile in the car to get to church… and plaster a believable-enough smile on your face and pretend to be happy and normal.

And then we might wonder why our relationships seem to be shallow and why we carry around a vague sense of malaise and ennui all the time. We might wonder why our churches are so often seen as ineffective or even hypocritical.

What’s the cure for The Performance Game?

As usual, the cures are simple but not easy. Here are my top 3 Performance Anxiety Busting Superstars:

friendship

Have friends and let them really see you. Friendship magic happens when we stop cleaning up before friends arrive to our home. This is also one of the greatest blessings of rough times: when it is obvious (so so obvious!) that our lives are not perfect, we can stop pretending that they are and let our real selves show up. I am writing today all the things I need to practice the most, and this is a big one. Slowly but surely, I’m starting to recognize and appreciate what Real Me sounds like and how she’s different from Performing Me.

I take comfort in the friends of Jesus… how they were continually bumbling and misunderstanding, jockeying for power and getting it 100% wrong. Yet Jesus trusted them with All. The. Things.

2. nature

Get yourself out-of-doors! Let the lovely imperfections of creation teach you.

3. meditation

Don’t be tempted by a special edition of The Performance Game: The Spirituality Expansion box. I’m writing again to myself. The pull of performance and the desire to have others see us as ‘spiritual’ is strong in me.

So I remind us both: Just sit and breathe. Your mind will wander and distract you with thoughts because that is what minds do. Just keep sitting and breathing.

Prayer for Today:

Spirit of Life, You are Reality Itself. I so want to be real too. Remind me of the realness in my faith tradition: the women who sang victory, the boy who shared lunch, the friends who stayed close, the dreamers and the pray-ers and the poets. Thank you for the gifts of friendship, simplicity, creation, and breath. Amen.

Empire Stories

by Abigail Conley

Here is a story of the Empire I trust in, hope for, pray with:

We’re renting a bouncy castle. It’s a princess 5-in-1 combo sure to delight the five-year-old for whom it is intended. She’s getting adopted, officially a forever family. Rumor is there will be TWO cakes for this Very Big Party.

And so more than seventy people got together and funded a bouncy castle, along with plenty more to buy all sorts of books for that same five-year-old. I recommended We Don’t Eat Our Classmates, a very reign of God sort of book that doesn’t look like it all.

It’s this beautiful celebration across many miles for a little girl and her mom. Those of us who won’t be able to go to the Very Big Party still join in this way. We are anxious to see pictures of this little girl who we’ve come to love from a distance, still in foster care for a few more days.

The whole thing is a beautiful, joyful experience of being able to do something to make a little kid’s Very Big Party on her Very Big Day that much more full of love.

It is one of the few times I can remember where it was so easy to give a kid something that would bring a great deal of joy. The other that comes to mind was when I had a youth group on an outing around Christmas and paid for a carriage ride around the outside mall. The driver gave me a good deal because she could see the excitement in the kids’ eyes. The kids couldn’t stop talking about it for weeks. Beautiful abundance in simple things always strikes me as more fully the Reign of God than most anything else.

Here is a story of the Empire I trust God and those working toward God’s Reign are overthrowing:

We’re buying teddy bears and shoelaces. Some of those same people who got together and funded a bouncy castle Venmoed me money or sent a check in the mail because I was able to fulfill requests locally for people being released from detention. I bought up all the shoelaces in store because stores don’t seem to stock many of those. I found teddy bears that would fit small hands and arms. That one day, those kids and their families had more of what they needed. I don’t know if they had a single thing they wanted. I don’t know what to do with the reality of shoelaces being the thing that brought a smile that day. I keep telling that story over and over, but with kids still in detention, it seems that I probably should keep telling it.

And I wish I had a single story.

But I remember sitting with a church leader, planning out gifts for the family we were sponsoring for Christmas. “Can I just buy them socks and underwear?” she asked. “If they’re asking for socks and underwear, they should get socks and underwear.” So we agreed on behalf of the church that we would exceed the number limit placed on gifts so that kids would get socks and underwear for Christmas, along with things they wanted.

Those some people funding the bounce house also explained children’s clothing sizes to me one day. There was no clear conversion for chubby children’s sizes to underwear. I needed to buy clothes for a child in my church whose mom could not manage it. Finances were part of the problem, but so was mental illness. Those things that parents of children seem to magically know eluded her, and so I was filling in the gaps as best I could, despite having no children of my own.

Those are the children’s stories that come to mind. But most days, I see a crowdfunding page for a funeral or medical needs or housing. I am reminded of the jars by cash registers so common in the small town where I grew up. They were the precursor to crowdfunding pages, a town working to pay the medical expenses of someone with no insurance. Flyers dotted the bulletin boards of those same places, asking people to attend a benefit auction or concert.

These are the stories of our empire. And these are not the stories I want to tell. I want to tell stories of a community choosing to give a little extra money to fund things that feed the soul, like bouncy castles and books. I don’t think it takes much Spirit to realize that this is the better thing, to get to offer joy and delight rather than fulfilling the most basic of needs.

Hear the words of the Good Shepherd, whose Empire has no end: “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” John 10:10

What’s Up With the Dog?

guest post by Carol Reynolds, pastor at Scottsdale Congregational UCC

If you’ve been to church recently, you’ve probably noticed that there’s a new…um…tail in town. And perhaps you’ve also wondered aloud or to yourself, “What’s up with that? What’s up with the dog?” After all, the annual animal blessing is still another couple of months off. Typically that’s the only time we see animals inside the church. Well, the dog’s name is Brandi, and she is a special pooch. I know, I know, all of our pets are special. But, as Zach, a few other people, and I discovered several weeks ago, Brandi possesses spiritual gifts.

Brandi was originally Robert’s dog. He and partner Zach adopted her together 6 years ago, when she was 5-6 years old. She was a stray they found at the PetSmart adoption center. For 6 years, as Robert navigated life in a wheelchair, with a trach, and many, many health complications, Brandi was his faithful companion. She didn’t get bored. She was perfectly happy to be by his side and love on him and whomever else happened to be in the house. She’d bark a lot when you first arrived, but soon she’d be curled up on your lap like a teddy bear, her bark way worse than her bite.

When Robert entered hospice this summer, it seemed like the right time to bring Brandi on a pastoral visit. In my experience, our companion animals know us so intimately and can thus provide comfort and healing in a very powerful way. So I proposed the idea to Zach, and he readily agreed. We’d head up to Peoria after worship and Diving Deeper. Sure enough, when we got there, Brandi was immediately on Robert’s bed, then curled up on his chest. It was clear to us that she knew he wasn’t doing very well. Her care for him and the love-sadness that emanated from her were at once profoundly beautiful and tragic to observe. I honestly wouldn’t have expected anything less from their farewell.

What I hadn’t anticipated was that Brandi would come to fellowship to wait for me and that she’d minister to people there as well. When I walked out of the conference room into Bond Hall, not only was Brandi there, but she was joyfully prancing around everyone there, delighting in each and every person she encountered. Michele recounted to me how earlier Brandi had even more exuberantly leapt from lap to lap to lap. Not one person there wasn’t beaming at the sight and stories of her.

Very quickly I made the connection between Brandi and a poodle I’d known in Massachusetts. “She’s a ministry dog!” I exclaimed, remembering my friend Debbie had acquired Jeannie for this very purpose after she hadn’t quite met the mark in service dog school. (Jeannie had skills, but apparently she didn’t want to work quite that hard and, given how smart poodles are, she’d managed to figure out a way around it.) Jeannie would come to meetings with Debbie and, by her very presence, lower the blood pressures of everyone in the room. All on her own, she’d seek out the one autistic boy in worship and sit by his side for the whole service. Those were the kind of ministry tasks she performed. Brandi has none of the training, but apparently has a natural gift. And it seems that Zach really took my exclamation about her to heart: Every Sunday since then he has brought Brandi with him to worship and fellowship. Not only that, but they arrive early so that they can greet people as they enter the church.

Rev. Carol Reynolds with Brandi, ministry dog — Brandi enjoying a snuggle with Pastor Carol during worship.

Brandi loves people of all ages and sizes. It’s obvious from the way her tail goes a mile a minute whenever she encounters a new person, as well as how she rubs up against them, and gives them little kisses, and even hints that she’d like to be picked up. Recently she met a little boy who was new to the church and afraid of dogs. Zach didn’t find this out about the boy until after he’d had a lovely encounter with Brandi. Apparently, since that meeting, his phobia has been drastically reduced, if not eliminated altogether. In worship Brandi has made a point of sitting with people who were crying, and leads the congregation to the communion table with warm, enthusiastic greetings along the way, reminding us that this is, after all, a feast of joy, anticipation of the kin-dom of God’s love and justice we hope to one day be a part of. Come to think of it, Brandi’s unconditionally loving presence is a bit like God’s…

Brandi’s timing couldn’t be more perfect. With as much division and tension as there is in the world these days, she gives us permission to laugh and smile and exchange knowing glances about just how unbearably sweet and cute she is. She unites us in a very positive way on our ways to the communion table. Beyond this, she provides a concrete way for Robert’s spirit to live on among us. While we in turn provide her with a ton of love and attention and a brand-new sense of purpose. Perhaps we minister to her as much as she does to us. Whatever it is that’s transpiring between Brandi and the congregation, it’s a beautiful thing to behold, and I rejoice in it.

Lazarus Must Be Rolling Over in Her Grave!

by John Indermark

In case you were wondering: the title is not mistaken in its gender pronoun usage. I do not have in mind the Lazarus, beloved brother of Mary and Martha, who already experienced rolling out of his grave according to John’s gospel. No, the Lazarus I have in mind is Emma, beloved daughter of Moses and Esther – and the poet who penned the words engraved on a bronze plaque that now (at least for the time being) stands displayed in the museum at the Statue of Liberty. Its closing words, taken from a longer poem of hers, would once have been the stuff of Fourth of July picnics and elementary school recitations and civics classes.

“Give me your tired, your poor,

Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,

The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.

Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me.”

I say “once would have been” because some Very Important People in Very High Places have definite ideas about who should be let in and particularly who should be kept out of our nation these days, ideas that seem to take a sand blaster to Lazarus’ inscription. The most recent rule put forth by the Trump administration regarding immigration reinterprets provisions of “public charge” in Draconian ways – or, given its likely architect, Millerian ways. Mind you, the rule aims not at illegal immigrants, but LEGAL immigrants. If you need most any form of public assistance to help get your feet on the ground, fugetaboutit. All such objections go away, of course, according to the fine print of the rule, if you can show your income is 250% or more of the federal poverty line. If it is, c’mon in! If it’s not, maybe the deportation venues will at least have the honesty to play Ray Charles (“Hit the Road, Jack, and don’t you come back . . .”). And perhaps the National Park Service will be directed by Mr. Miller to update Emma’s plaque:

Give me your hired, your secure,

Your globe-trotting investors yearning to be regulation-free,

The targeted folk of north European shores,

Send these, the classy, upper-crust to me.

As I said, Lazarus must be rolling over in her grave, and not just because of the words of her poem with which we are most familiar. Did you know the title she gives to the Statue in the poem is not Lady Liberty, but Mother of Exiles? What would she say to those who seek asylum today, driven by violence and despair literally into exiles – only to be met with pejoratives of “murderers” and “rapists?” I believe Emma’s answer can be discerned in the phrase she used in the poem: “From her beacon-hand glows world-wide welcome.”

Today, in addressing the new rule, the administration’s Director of Immigration Services was asked how this policy set with the Statue’s invitation to “your tired, your poor, your, huddled masses.” His answer? “I’m certainly not prepared to take anything down off the Statue of Liberty. We have a long history of being one of the most welcoming nations in the world.”

Unfortunately, history is no guarantor of the future, and befogged nostalgia can be the future’s worst enemy. The question is: Are we NOW to be who we advertise ourselves to be? Hypocrisy is not a problem limited to the church. It gnaws away at national identities. If this rule stands, Lazarus’ poem and its “Mother of Exiles” will cease to be our aspiration –and be transformed into our self-inflicted indictment of nativism and greed.

Embracing and Overcoming Horror (Movies)

by Abigail Conley

Horror movies are one of my favorite indulgences. I’m simultaneously a horror movie snob and will see anything labeled a horror movie. Jordan Peele’s version of horror movies wins awards and is mind-boggling and I highly recommend his work. I take issue with the lack of a systematic theology framework in The Conjuring Universe. Should anyone want to spend a few hours comparing and contrasting the theology of The Exorcist movies, I’m game.

And, yeah, I’ll also watch the terribly predictable movie that starts with teenagers making out where all but one person inevitably ends up dead. I’ll roll my eyes more, but I’ll watch it. Discretion is not really one of my gifts when it comes to this.

As a result of my indiscretion when it comes to horror movies, I recently went to see Midsommar. It’s one of those movies that gets great critical review and has the audience scratching their heads. There are major spoilers coming, so stop reading if you’re anticipating this movie.

The plot: a student from Sweden studying in the United States takes his new friends back home to rural Sweden for a festival. They’re aware he grew up in a rural area, somewhat of a commune, and go willingly for a week of celebration, including lots of hallucinogenic drugs. The drugs, at least, are supplies beyond their wildest dreams. It turns out that they’ve landed in the middle of a pagan cult and are sacrifices for this celebration that happens every ninety years.

Again, sometimes my indiscretion bites me in the butt, especially when it comes to horror movies.

The reason I like the horror genre in general is that they often name our deepest fears and worries. The writers of this genre understand humanity in a profound way. I’m not talking slasher movies; I am talking Pet Sematary, and our fear of death, afterlife, and losing loved ones. Horror movies that hit in the gut recognize that there are things far scarier than what goes bump in the night.

And so, in the middle of a slow-moving trippy movie that has left me scratching my head, there was a gem. One friend would survive the ordeal and join the commune. The guy who brought them all there said to her, “When my parents died, this community held me. Do you feel held?”

Full disclosure, I’m pretty the guy’s parents were sacrificed in some other cultic ceremony. (Seriously, skip this movie.) But I keep thinking about that concept. Do you feel held?

Do you feel held?

That question explores our deepest hopes and needs for connection. That question points out our vulnerability. That question causes my stomach to do something a little weird.

All of the stories in the Bible that I immediately think of in response to that question are points of deep vulnerability. In every case, they are the absence of the feeling of being held, supported, cared for. Mary and Martha mourn with Jesus at the death of Lazarus. Jesus goes into the garden to pray and his disciples fall asleep. On the cross, Jesus asks John to care for his mother.

Do you feel held?

The intimacy of church is one of the things that most often freaks out my friends who don’t do church. The comfort of church with aging and death definitely freaked out my friends when we were in our twenties. But not too long ago, I was with one of our church’s beloved saints in the days before his death. His wife was there with him. She asked for specific people from the church to come, and they all showed up as she requested.

On the night he died, I was there, along with people all gathered from the church. We told stories and assured his wife she would be cared for. We chose a funeral home that night, and laughed and cried. The people gathered with her had memories reaching farther back than mine, and so they comforted in a way I could not. I watched her come alive in a way I had not seen before as they talked in the difficult hours. I waited with her that night until his body was taken to the funeral home, asked the nurse to give her something to help her sleep, then went to my home at the end of a long few days.

That night remains a profound experience of Church, and watching the Church hold someone—deeply, tightly, lovingly, enduringly. They had shared the good times, but they stayed through the worst, and would do it again. Held.

One of the deep fears that plays out time and again in horror movies is fear of being alone. That’s the terrifying part of slasher movies and apocalypse movies. Alone. No one else. Loneliness, it turns out, is one of the health crises bubbling to the surface right now. We are a people in need of each other.

But when I remember that scene, that question, “Do you feel held?” I am amazed by how deeply the church holds—with mountains of food and lock-ins and awkward conversations and showing up. The church holds with baptisms and women’s groups that pastors skirt and cleaning out that one closet yet again amidst laughter and stories. The church holds and keeps holding when no one else will.

It turns out, we brave the greatest fears because we choose to hold. Let us cherish this gift.

Guest Workers

by Carol Peterson

[Rev. Carol Peterson recently relocated to Tucson, having moved here from Virginia, and was part of the Southern Conference, Eastern Virginia Association. Happy to have Carol as a new contributor!]

I am new to the Southwest Conference and Arizona. I visited Tucson several times over the years from my home in Norfolk, Virginia to spend time with my parents, who, initially came here as “snowbirds”, and later became permanent residents. As they have aged (as have I), my spouse, Loen, and I decided to move out here permanently. So having been in Virginia for the better part of the last 30 years, we had a yard sale, donated much of our belongings, and set out across the country in our pickup truck and four little rescue dogs (sadly now, three), and arrived in Tucson the last week of November 2018, just in time for Thanksgiving.

Since then, we find ourselves still in the throes of transition, trying to find our footing in a new place, a new climate, a new culture in many ways, and new circumstances. How do we meet friends, where do we find connections to the LGBTQ community, and where can we find connections to a spiritual and church community? How then, do we find our place, our way of serving, our connection to community, here?

The gospel readings (Luke 10:1-20) yesterday gave pause, and peace. In it we are told that Jesus sent his followers on ahead of him in pairs to the various towns and villages. When there, he told them, bring peace, heal others, and proclaim to all who would hear you, that the reign of God is near. Don’t bring a lot of baggage, accept the hospitality that is given, eat what is set in front of you, and if you are not received, move on, again proclaiming, the reign of God is near.

I leaned over to Loen during the worship service and said, “I guess we’re one of the two by twos.” Wherever we followers of Jesus are sent, for whatever reason, we are sent to heal, bring peace, accept hospitality, and whatever the outcome, proclaim that the reign of God is near.

Our place is where we are sent. Our connection is to Jesus. Our community is wherever we find hospitality. And our task is to heal, bring peace, and always, proclaim that the reign of God is near. We are, we all are, after all, guest workers, reliant upon the hospitality of those with whom we live and work. And we may rest in the assurance that we are sent to where Jesus intends himself to go. (Luke 10:1).

Blessings to all, and we give thanks to God that we are here.

Changing Pastors: Using This Liminal Time Wisely

by Teresa Blythe

The time between what has been and what is coming up for us is liminal—meaning it is a threshold space, ripe for the transformation of deep spiritual work. It is when you are “betwixt and between,” packing your bags (metaphorically and literally) for the journey ahead. For churches, there is no more liminal time than that period after one pastor has left and a new one has yet to be called.

As a spiritual director, I work with individuals as well as church boards, navigating major transitions in life. Church boards request assistance with the spiritual practice of discernment: making faithful choices through prayer, deep reflection, gathering of information and using imagination and intuition to discover God’s desire for them. Discernment is essential in this period, not just to find the next pastor but to see clearly who you are, right now, as a church.

Many churches use an interim pastor for just such discernment, which is good because interims are trained in helping a church set the stage for what’s next. What follows here is just one suggested process for taking a look at what you want to hold onto and what you may want to let go of while you are in-between pastors.

Taking inventory

The first step in any intentional move through a threshold is to take stock of what was. This is the time for your leadership team to be completely honest about how effective and healthy your church has been with your last pastor at the helm.

What to keep?

What values, work habits, boundaries and agreements served your church well? Do you want to keep those “as is” or look at them with new eyes? This is the time to evaluate that.

This account is what spiritual directors call “a long, loving look at the real,” and what 12-step programs refer to as the “searching and fearless moral inventory.” Start with the positive and use your understanding of Appreciate Inquiry. Ask:

When did we feel most effective and alive in ministry?
What do we value most about this church and its mission or work?
When we look back at this church a few years from now, what do we imagine was our greatest strength, learning and accomplishment?

Develop a historical timeline for your church. Draw a horizontal line on large section of butcher paper with the year the church was founded at the left side of the page and the current time on the right.

What have been the high points (that the leadership can remember)?
Mark those times when the church went through important periods of growth—both spiritual and physical growth. Note anything of interest that happened in the life of the church.
Once you have a timeline full of landmarks, spend some time in prayer reflecting on what you notice. What memories from what was does your leadership want to build upon as you move to what’s next?

What to leave behind (and learn from)

Not every experience at your church needs to be repeated! Some are best used as learning experiences. Consider what has been dysfunctional in your congregation and needs to change. No need to start playing the blame game. This is just a chance to step back, observe the history non-judgmentally, and notice what you don’t want to pack and unload on your next pastor. What values, work habits, boundaries and agreements need to be re-evaluated?

When did this church feel least effective and least energetic?
What just plain didn’t work and we don’t want a repeat of?
Where were the stumbling blocks for your congregation? How were they met?
What new values, habits, boundaries and agreements do we want to establish?

Take another look at your timeline. Now make notes of those events or seasons where leadership felt most challenged. Recall how the relationship with God felt at that time. What did you learn? Bravely facing and reflecting on these low points are where the greatest transformation for the future can take place.

Creating a “rule of life”

After you identify where you want changes made—how you will do things differently—write these down and consider how you might turn this into a “rule of life.”

A rule of life is a valuable spiritual practice handed down from early Christianity. It’s an agreement we make with ourselves (and God) about how we will connect with God; connect with others and live out our faith on a regular basis. Some examples of agreements and “rules” from prominent spiritual leaders and communities of the past include[1]:

St. Benedict’s Rule

Practice hospitality, read the Bible and the church fathers, develop a rhythm of prayer and work.

Rule of Taize

Practice common prayer three times a day, have interior silence, practice mercy and avoid judgment.

Dorothy Day

Look for Christ’s presence in the poor, keep a journal, use the Jesus prayer.

Dom Helder Camara

Pray when others are asleep, see Christ in others (especially those who suffer), be prepared to give up power, privilege and prosperity.

Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Walk and talk in the manner of love for God is love, pray daily to be used by God in order that all may be free, observe with both friend and foe the ordinary rules of courtesy.

Notice many of the rules start with the word “practice,” since very little of this comes naturally to us. It takes work. Add to your rule those practices that help your leadership team and congregation move into this new era grounded in God and approaching the work with hope and confidence.[2]

Let’s say your leadership team decided it wants the next phase of the church’s life to focus more on spiritual formation through working in small groups together. Your rule then would include a statement similar to: Practice prayer, faith sharing and Christian community building through an emphasis on spiritual formation in small groups.

Developing a rule will help your next pastor know what you value and what your hopes are for the next phase of congregational life. Certainly you will want to revisit your rule from time to time to see if you’re practicing it and if it needs to be adjusted. It’s a rule of life, not necessarily a rule for the rest of your church’s life.

Be sure to schedule in time for prayer and reflection on all of this as a leadership team. Discernment is not just about making a choice—it’s about how we make a choice. The more we intentionally enter discernment, the more it becomes a way of life, staying in touch with the Source of Life so that when we make choices, we do so with the help of the Holy Spirit.

“What’s next” is ultimately unknown. Some things you can’t control and simply cannot pack for! There are many variables. You may need to hold your vision for what’s next lightly. And trust that the transformation your church experiences during this liminal “in-between” time is the preparation it needs for the other side of what was.

Teresa Blythe is ordained in the United Church of Christ (UCC) to the ministry of spiritual direction and works as a spiritual director for First UCC Phoenix. She works with individuals and groups in spiritual direction and does organizational discernment work through the Sacred Transformation Project. She may be reached at teresa@teresablythe.net.

[1] For more on how to develop your own personal rule of life, see William O. Paulsell’s book Rules for Prayer. (Paulist Press)

[2] Need help finding spiritual practices for your rule? Check out my book 50 Ways to Pray: Practices from Many Traditions and Times (Abingdon Press).

On Puzzles, and stories

by Sandra Chapin

Puzzles exercise the brain. This kind of workout is something I can do on a daily basis. Putting pencil to paper for a little Sudoku (a math puzzle – more entertaining than figuring out my bank balance) while cable news hosts keep me over-informed. Putting finger to computer for online jigsaw puzzles when I need a break from TV. Yes, my mind is sharp and my eyes are strained.

Get back to real life, you say? Can’t get away from puzzles.

Composer Richard Rogers sang on that subject. From The King and I…

There are times I almost think
I am not sure of what I absolutely know
Very often find confusion
In conclusion I concluded long ago
In my head are many facts
That, as a student, I have studied to procure
In my head are many facts
Of which I wish I was more certain I was sure!

Is a puzzlement

A great story set to music. The King of Siam reached out to Anna, the governess from England, to unravel some of the puzzles that persisted in his head. Through conversation and companionship, they both benefited by learning from (and disagreeing with) each other. They were like puzzle pieces representing Eastern and Western thought, and when their edges adapted and found a fit, a better image and understanding of the world emerged.

St. Paul’s is a puzzle. My next sentence choice could take take us in many directions, but the point I want to make here is that we are pieces that fit together. Surprisingly. Each one is the product of a different history. Our shapes vary. (Let’s not get into that.) Our ages may cluster around some vague measure of maturity, but our outlook on life is all over the map.

The analogy is obvious. When one piece is missing – when a unique voice, hug or smile is not present – the picture is not as colorful or meaningful as we’ve experienced before.

But our puzzle is not “done” even when all pieces are present and accounted for.

These short phrases are from a recently concluded TV epic with enough plot twists to boggle the most nimble puzzle fan.

What unites people?

Armies? Gold? Flags?

Stories.

There’s nothing in the world more powerful than a good story.

Tyrion Lannister
Game of Thrones
Final episode

In our church gatherings on Sundays or during the week, in our conversations, without a sense of hurry and in the embrace of trust, we share our stories. Mostly they are not epic. They are best told not in sound bites (or tweets), not in speeches, but in response to a skilled listener who lets the word images unravel from the head and heart of the teller. No prodding. No judgment. No subject changing. No filling a silence with commentary.

Storytelling is a waiting game.

Is the puzzle of a person’s entire story ever complete?

The picture on the box may be of a covered bridge in the fall, and every jigsawed piece has its place. But what does it feel like to ride a bicycle as a twelve-year old into that darkened corridor, the rhythm of wheels drumming on weathered floor planks? Beneath is the stream where you and Grandpa fished all summer, hooking more jokes than trout. Does this bridge connect home and school? Childhood and adulthood?

Stories: bridges into the heart. A story may be given away, yet remain owned. Maybe we don’t tell it the same way twice, as memories are rediscovered or put aside. Shared, it can linger with a listener. Or result in a joyful moment, like the flash of the silver trout, darting away, laughing.

Stories unite people. And puzzle pieces.

An Easter Story

by Abigail Conley

In the days before Easter, I was bombarded with Church—not my own church, but advertisements from the many churches hoping I’d show up there on Easter morning. They wasted advertising dollars on me, for sure, but it was also a reminder of all the anxiety of holidays in the church. Will there be enough food? Will people show up? What if we’re not packed for Easter? Like it or not, Christmas and Easter become the days we wonder if our churches measure up. Those are the days all our anxiety about our future can easily come to rest.

So here’s an Easter story that has absolutely no flash and is full of resurrection and is one of the best Easter miracles I’ve ever witnessed.

On Easter Sunday this year, our lone thirteen year old handed me a handwritten announcement. It was a carefully written invitation to her school’s production of Music Man. This is the first time she’s offered an invitation in this way, even though I know there have been several other plays and musicals. The adults sitting in front of her in worship have told me we should make sure she knows she can sing in the choir.

One of the performance dates is on my calendar. I have no doubt the production will be terrible in all the ways that middle school musicals are and wonderful in all the ways that middle school musicals are. I typed the announcement in this week’s email knowing full well this invitation is wonderful and terrible. I typed the announcement trusting that there will be another adult or two who show up just because this kid from church invited.

Most people don’t know this kid is in foster care. Hesitantly, we hear bits and pieces in prayer requests about other siblings and biological parents. Some people connect the dots while others don’t. Mostly, it doesn’t matter either way. I know more of her story because I’m her pastor, but I can’t share most of it. It’s not mine to share and, well, foster care.

Here is what I do know though: we are doing something right if any thirteen year old can hand an announcement to her pastor and trust it will be well received. That’s not just about the pastor, but a church that loves her and welcomes her and is interested in her life. We are especially doing something right if that kid has all of the baggage that comes with being in foster care and still can learn to trust her church.

The announcement is now tucked away in a special folder I keep full of notes and cards and letters to go back and look at on the hard days. They are little stories of resurrection, one and all.

So here’s to churches with one thirteen year old or one seven year old or none of those who celebrate any way. Here’s to churches with not quite enough bulletins or way too many and will make do either way. Here’s to the beauty that comes with community—as lovely as the woman headed back to the tomb, as lovely as a potluck breakfast with too many carbs. Here’s to all of us who live in the promise of resurrection, for Christ is risen, and we are rising, indeed.